书城亲子家教让孩子自己去打拼
14719100000048

第48章 Soft Is Strong

“Water is fluid,soft and yielding。But water will wear away rock,which is rigid and cannot yield。What is soft is strong。”This is a famous quote by Lao-Tzu which I have known since childhood;however,for most of my life I did not understand the wisdom of this saying。Perseverance and conviction,I thought,were all that is needed to overcome。For most of my turbulent-free childhood,the rock mentality worked fine,but I started to grasp the subtle importance of flexibility soon after my move to America at the age of twelve。

Three weeks after my arrival in America,what I believe to be a monumental moment took place in the cafeteria of my new school:I ate cheese。Before that point,I had scraped the cheese off of my pizzas everyday。The slimy appearance of melted cheese and the ridiculous looks of people trying to tear off a bite made me lose all my appetite。I preferred my food to be either inside my mouth or in my hands;not hanging in between。Just as I avoided cheese,I fended off all the changes my new life in America demanded of me。I reasoned,if I stayed strong,I could be immovable and resist the current like a rock。While classmates socialized during lunch breaks,I wrote to my Chinese friends to stay connected。Everyday I practiced Chinese dancing at home,although it was obvious the move had dissolved my prospects of joining the dance academy。I kept up my Chinese lessons to prepare for a day my parents would decide to move back。Often I fantasized about returning to China,where I would never deal with cheese,where I had friends to walk home with,and where simply expressing myself was not so frustrating。However,altering the reality was a fantasy after all。I could not change any of my circumstances;the only option was to be pliant。So,on that fateful day,I took a bite out of my pizza。The stretching cheese marked my first move to be more like water。

Over the years I have witnessed more of water’s power。While others moan and argue with the teachers to change a grade,I just try to make it perfect for next time。My fellow forensics competitors struggle over the inconsistencies of different judges’preferences,but they don’t know my secret weapon is a compiled file of the judges’likes and dislikes to which I alter my strategies。

Through failures and successes,I have realized that the best plans proposed in Student Council are the ones that appealed to more people,not the one that I liked best。The past seventeen years of my life have followed a comparably smooth course。Through every little rock I encountered on the way,I have learned the strength of water。Although I certainly hope the rest of my life will be smooth as well,there will be bigger rocks。But I am confident my path will never be blocked,because I have learned to yield。

译文:柔能克刚

水是流体,柔软且有应变、避让的特性。但是水却能磨光坚硬而无弹性的顽石。硬未必强,柔未必弱;所谓绳锯木断、水滴石穿是也。这个老子的哲学道理,我从小就有所耳闻。不过在我的经历中,自己其实并没有真正明白个中的智慧。我一直觉得:毅力和信念是克服困难的不二法宝。虽未经过急流险滩,但从孩提时候起我就有意无意地塑造自己面对困难时应该具备的岩石般的性格——坚强、不屈服。可当我12岁那年来到美国以后,我开始体会到妥协和顺服的重要。虽是小事一桩,对我却具有里程碑式的意义。

大约是我来到美国后的第三周的某一天,学校、食堂对我来说依然很陌生。午饭时间我又和往常一样拿到了比萨饼。此前我总是毫无例外地把奶酪从比萨饼上刮掉并扔到垃圾箱中。我不喜欢那些黏糊糊的东西。看着其他人吃比萨饼时,每咬一口都会有长长的细丝连在饼和嘴之间,我看着就没有任何食欲。因为我觉得食物要么在手上、要么在嘴里,那藕断丝连的样子看起来真是不雅而且感到腻歪。就像拒绝奶酪一样,我也排斥美国的其他和中国不同的东西。我顽固地试图一直坚持下去。我思考着:如果坚持,我就能像石头那样阻挡水流。午饭过后,同学们在交谈,而我则在给远在中国的同学们写信联系。我还想起来当我回到家自己练习跳舞,虽然搬家后我事实上已经距离憧憬的舞蹈学院越来越远了。我依然坚持学习中文,随时准备应对父母可能的回国决定。那一段我时刻想念中国以及那边熟悉的生活。在中国我不必吃难以下咽的奶酪,在那里每天都有同学相伴在回家的路上,在那里我和同学的交流是那么流畅。看看眼下:想改变现实谈何容易?我对周围的一切都显得无能为力。我意识到,自己唯一能做的只有自然顺服。就在那天中午我想通了。我咬下了第一口带奶酪的比萨饼,这标志着我更像水而不是石头了。

随后的几年,我目睹了更多“水”的威力。当同学们向老师抱怨、和老师争辩讨要分数时,我只是争取下次考得更完美。我辩论比赛的对手们对裁判给分的尺度不知所措。他们却不晓得我的“秘密武器”是:收集裁判们的材料,了解他们的喜好,然后据此调整我们辩论的策略。通过多次失败和成功,作为学生会主席的我悟出:学生会要想办好,必须启用那些最受人拥护的政策,而非自己最喜欢的策略。

我经历的17年是平稳的和波澜不惊的。前进道路上遭遇的小石头提醒我水具有的能力和力量。我当然希望我的一生也是稳稳当当的,可是我面前必会有更大的石头等着我。然而,我坚信任何石头都挡不住我的道路,因为我已经学会了避让。