I Understand Him
While eating in a restaurant， I reprimandedreprimand n.申斥 my fouryearold son for speaking with his mouth full. “Mump umn kmpfhm，” was all I heard.
“Drew，” I scolded， “no one can understand a word you，re saying.”
“He says he wants some ketchupketchup n.调味蕃茄酱，” my husband said calmlycalmly adv.平静地， 安静地， 冷静地.
A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked， “How in the world did you understand him？”
“I，m a dentist，” my husband explained.
我懂他的话
在饭店吃饭的时候， 我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“呜、嘿、呢，”我听到的就是这些。“祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话呢？” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。
Goethe，s Tolerance
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it， he met with a criticcritic n.批评家， 评论家， 吹毛求疵者 who was hostilehostile adj.敌对的， 敌方的 n.敌对 to him. Both of them stopped， staring at each other. Then the critic said， “I，ll never make way for a fool.” “But I will，” with that Goethe retreated aside.
歌德的容忍
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。” “可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
We Left Nothing
Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkmanmilkman n.售奶工人， 送奶工人 on the door： “NOBODY HOME. DON，T LEAVE ANYTHING.”
When she got back that night， she found her door broken open and her house ransackedransack vt.到处搜索， 掠夺， 洗劫. On the note she had left， she found the following message added：“THANKS！ WE HAVEN，T LEFT ANYTHING！”
我们什么也没留下
布朗太太要外出一天。她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西！” 她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句：“谢谢！我们什么也没留下！”
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker， “Attention， passengers. We have lost one of our engines， but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result.”
Shortly thereafterthereafter adv.其后， 从那时以后， the passengers heard the captain，s voice again， “Guess what， folks. We just lost our third engine， but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late.”
At this point， one passenger became furious. “For Pete，s sake，” he shouted， “If we lose another engine， we，ll be up here all night！”
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了，只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都呆在天上了。”
A Heavy Sleeper
The preacher was vexedvexed adj.焦急的， 为难的， 恼怒的 because a certain member of his congregationcongregation n.集合， 集会， ［宗］圣会 always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoringsnore v.打鼾， 打着鼾渡过(时间) n.打鼾， 鼾声 in the front row one Sunday， the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So， in a whisper， he asked the congregation. “All who want to go to heaven，please rise.” Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering， “Be seated，” the minister shouted at the top of his voiced， “All those who want to be with the devil， please rise.”
Awaking with a start， the sleepyhead jumped to his feet and saw the preacherpreacher n.传教士 standing tall and angry in the pulpit， “Well， sir，” he said， “I don，t know what we，re voting on， but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it.”
瞌睡者
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
Dating for Mother
When the young waitresswaitress n.女服务生 in the cafe in Tom，s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered， for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckonedbeckon v.招手， 召唤 to Tom again. When Tom strolled over， she asked， “Are you single？”
“Why， yes，” Tom replied， smiling at her broadlybroadly adv.宽广地， 露骨地， 广泛.
“So is my mom，” she said. “Would you like to meet her？”
约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。“我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”
Logic Reasoning
A fourthgrade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
“Here is the situation，” she said. “a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river， fishing. He loses his balance， falls in， and begins splashingsplashing 喷洒， 泼洒 and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotioncommotion n.骚动， 暴乱， knows that he can，t swim， and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank？”
A girl raised her hand and asked， “to draw out all of his savings？”
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
Does the Dog Know the Proverb， Too？
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It，s all right，” said a gentleman， “don，t be afraid. Don，t you know the proverbproverb n.谚语： Barking dogs don，t bite？”
“Ah， yes，” answered the little boy. “I know the proverb， but does the dog know the proverb， too？”
狗也知道这个谚语吗
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
What，s Time to a Pig？
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads， see how the farms looked， and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard， holding a pig up in his hands， and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer，“ I see that your pig likes apples， but isn，t that quite a waste of time？” The farmer replied，“ What，s time to a pig？”
时间对猪有什么意义