Looking for a Job
（1）
Employer to applicant： “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicantapplicant n.申请者， 请求者： “I，m the one you want. On my last job， every time anything went wrong， they said I was responsible.”
Employer： “Young man， do you think you can handle a variety of work？”
Applicant： “I ought to be able to. I，ve had ten different jobs in four months.”
（2）
Several weeks after a young man had been hired， he was called into the personnel manager，s office.
“What is the meaning of this？” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job， you told us you had 5 years， experience. Now we discover this is the first job you，ve ever had.”
“Well，” the young man said， “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imaginationimagination n.想像， 空想， 想像的事物， 想像力， 听觉.”
（3）
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee，s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man， “For a man with no experience， you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
“Well Sir，” the applicant replies， “the work is so much harder when you don，t know what you，re doing！”
找工作
(1)
雇主对求职者说：“我们这项工作需要负责任的人。”
求职者：“我正是你们想要的人。我在做上一份工作时，每次什么东西出了毛病，他们就说该我负责。”
雇主：“年轻人，你觉得自己能够处理多种工作吗？”
求职者：“我应该是能，在过去的 4 个月里我已换了 10 种不同的工作了。”
(2)
一名年轻人在被雇用几周后被叫进了人事经理的办公室。
“这是什么意思？”人事经理问，“你申请这项工作时告诉我们你有 5 年的工作经历，可现在我们发现这是你的第一个工作。”
“哦，”年轻人回答，“你们在广告中说过想要有想象力的人。”
(3)
一名服装零售店的经理正在看一名求职者的申请，他注意到这个人以前从没在零售店工作过。他对这个人说：“对一个没有工作经验的人来说，你的工资要求是太高了。”
“哦，先生，”求职者回答，“当你还不熟悉工作时，工作是非常苦的。”
Three Doctors
Three doctors arrived in heaven.St.Peter asked them why they should be let into heaven.
The first doctor said，“Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work.”St. Peter let him in.
The second doctor said，“I haven，t won any prizes， but I，ve started free clinicsclinic n.门诊部， 临床 and helped those in need for free.”St. Peter let him in.
The third doctor said，“I，m responsible for all the hospitals across the United States.”
St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said，“OK，I，ll let you in， but you will be responsible for your safety！”
三个医生
3位医生到了天堂。圣彼得问他们，为什么他们能进入天堂。
第一个医生回答：“因为我获得过诺贝尔和平奖。”圣彼得让他进了天堂。
第二个医生回答：“我没得过什么奖，但我开设过免费门诊，免费治病。”圣彼得让他进了天堂。
第三个医生回答：“我负责管理美国所有的医院。”
圣彼得思考了一分钟说：“好吧，我让你进去，但你要为自己的安全负责！”
Three Sick Soldiers
An army Major visits the sick soldiers， goes up to one privateprivate adj.私人的， 私有的， 私营的， 秘密的 n.士兵 and asks，“What，s your problem， Soldier？”
“Chronic syphilis，Sir！”
“What treatment are you getting？”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day，Sir！”
“What，s your ambitionambition n.野心， 雄心？”
“To get back to the front lines，Sir！”
“Good man！”says the Major. He goes to the next bed.“What，s your problem， Soldier？”
“Chronic piles，Sir！”
“What treatment are you getting？”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day，Sir！”
“What，s your ambition？”
“To get back to the front lines，Sir！”
“Good man！”says the Major. He goes to the next bed.“What，s your problem， Soldier？”
“Chronic gum diseasedisease n.疾病， 弊病，Sir！”
“What treatment are you get ting？”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day，Sir！”
“What，s your ambition？”
“To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two，Sir！”
三个生病的士兵
一位军队里的主管去探望生病的士兵。他走近一个士兵，问道：“士兵，你得了什么病？”
“慢性梅毒，先生！”
“医生怎样给你治疗？”
“每天使用金属刷子5分钟，先生！”
“你的目标是什么？”
“重返前线，先生！”
“好样的！”主管说。主管走向第二张病床。“士兵，你得了什么病？”
“慢性痔疮，先生！”
“医生怎样给你治疗？”
“每天使用金属刷子5分钟，先生！”
“你的目标是什么？”
“重返前线，先生！”
“好样的！”主管说。主管走向第三张病床。“士兵，你得了什么病？”
“慢性牙龈炎，先生！”
“医生怎样给你治疗？”
“每天使用金属刷子5分钟，先生！”
“你的目标是什么？”
“排在队列的最前面，在另外两个病人之前使用金属刷子，先生！”
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts
1.I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to， before the Web.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house， wash clothes， and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunateunfortunate adj.不幸的， 不合宜的， 不吉利的， 使人遗憾的 n.不幸的人 few friends and family that are Webdeprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7. I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9. I will not be temptedtempt vt.诱惑， 引诱， 吸引， 使感兴趣， 考验， 试探 during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week， if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbookcheckbook n.支票簿 because I was too busy on the Web.
12.Last， I will remember that I must go to bed sometime...and the Web will always be there tomorrow！
职业网虫治愈12步
1．早上，在上网之前，我将喝一杯咖啡，读报，就像以前那样。
2．我将用双手使用刀叉吃早饭，而不是腾出一只手来敲键盘。
3．我将在中午之前穿好衣服。
4．试着在想到上网之前去收拾房间，洗衣服，考虑午餐的菜谱。
5．我将坐下来，给那些被剥夺了网络的不幸的朋友和他们的家人写信。
6．我将给那些在网上联络不到的人打电话。
7．我要读一本书……如果我还记得怎么读书的话。
8．我将听我周围的人说话，看看他们需要什么，而不再让他们把电视的声音关小，以便我能听到网上的音乐。
9．我将不会在电视购物的时间段里去收电子邮件。
10．我将试着每周至少出门一次，不管是不是需要。
11．我将记得银行不会再给我任何宽限，如果我因为沉迷于网络而忘了去结账。
12．最后，我会记得我必须找个时间睡觉……毕竟，网络不会在一夜之间消失。
Two Women，s Stories
A woman says to a doctor，“Each time I sip my coffee， my eye seems to hurt.”The doctor says，“Well， maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.”
A woman got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this， a lady-one of the woman，s friends came over and asked what she was doing.“I，m trying to pop out this dent， but it，s not really working.”“Duh...you have to roll up the windows first！”
两个女人的故事
一个女子对医生说：“每次我喝咖啡时都会伤到眼睛。”医生说：“也许你应该先把勺子从杯子里拿出来。”
一位女士把车撞了一个坑，于是就去修车。修理工决定幽她一默。他告诉她，她只需把车开回家，然后从排气管里往车里吹气，直到凹陷处自己鼓起来。这位女士如法操作了15分钟。这时，她的一位女性朋友来拜访她，并问她在做什么。“我正在试着让那个坑鼓起来，但这个办法似乎并不管用。”“嗯……你必须先把车窗摇上去！”
Only in America
1. Only in America，can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulanceambulance n.战时流动医院， 救护车.
2. Only in America，are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America，do drugstoresdrugstore n.(美) 药房， 杂货店 make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptionsprescription n.指示， 规定， 命令， 处方， 药方 while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America，do people order double cheese burgers， large fries， and a diet coke.
5. Only in America，do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.