书城英文图书长大不是一个人的事情
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第16章 前往闪亮的旧时光(6)

And then one day,just like that,the nightmare is over. The war has ended. Those of us who are still alive are freed. I have lost everything that was precious to me. But I still have the memory of this girl,a memory I carry in my heart and gives me the will to go on as I move to America to start a new life.

Years pass. It is 1957. I am living in New York City. A friend convinces me to go on a blind date with a lady friend of his. Reluctantly,I agree. But she is nice,this woman named Roma. And like me,she is an immigrant,so we have at least that in common.

“Where were you during the war?”Roma asks me gently,in that delicate way immigrants ask one another questions about those years.

“I was in a concentration camp in Germany,”I reply. Roma gets a faraway look in her eyes,as if she is remembering something painful yet sweet.“What is it?”I ask.

“I am just thinking about something from my past,Herman,”Roma explains in a voice suddenly very soft.“When I was a young girl,I lived near a concentration camp. There was a boy there,I used to visit him every day. I remember I used to bring him apples. I would throw the apple over the fence,and he would be so happy.”Roma sighs heavily and continues.“It is hard to describe how we felt about each other-after all,we were young,and we only exchanged a few words when we could-but I can tell you,there was much love there. I assume he was killed like so many others. But I cannot bear to think that,and so I try to remember him as he was for those months we were given together.”

With my heart pounding so loudly I think it will explode,I look directly at Roma and ask,“And did that boy say to you one day,Do not bring me an apple tomorrow. I am being sent to another camp,?”

“Why,yes,”Roma responds,her voice trembling.“But,Herman,how on earth could you possibly know that?”

I take her hands in mine and answer,“Because I was that young boy,Roma.”

For many moments,there is only silence. We cannot take our eyes from each other,and as the veils of time lift,we recognize the soul behind the eyes,the dear friend we once loved so much, whom we have never stopped loving,whom we have never stopped remembering.

Valentine,s Day,1996,I bring Roma to the Oprah Winfrey Show to honor her on national television. I want to tell her in front of millions of people what I feel in my heart every day: “Darling,you fed me in the concentration camp when I was hungry. And I am still hungry,for something I will never get enough of: I am only hungry for your love.”

那是在1942年的冬日的一天,天寒地冻。但身在德国纳粹的集中营里,这点寒冷不算什么。我穿着单薄的衣服,打着寒战站立着,仍然不相信这场噩梦的降临。我当时只是一个小男孩,自从和成千上万的犹太人一起被送 到这里来以后,每天、每个小时我都在坚持与死神搏斗,我差不多是个死人了。

我沿着带刺的铁丝网来回走动,试图使我瘦弱的身体保持暖和。我饿了,但我已经饿了太久太久,都记不清楚 是从什么时候开始的。我总是处于饥饿的状态。可以下咽的食物对我来说简直就是一个梦。每天,我们中的一 些人会突然不见了,快乐的往日时光反倒成了一个梦,我越来越感到绝望。突然,我发现有一个小女孩在铁丝 网的另一边散步。她停住脚步,用悲伤的眼神看着我,从她的眼神里我似乎看出了同情,她和我一样不明白为 什么我会被关在这里。被这个陌生人看到我这个样子,我感觉有一种奇怪的害臊,试图将眼睛望向别处,但是 我就是没有办法不盯着她的眼睛看。

过了一会儿,她把手伸进口袋,拿出一个红苹果。那是一个漂亮的有光泽的红苹果。她小心翼翼地向周围看看,接着带着胜利的微笑,快速地把苹果抛过铁丝网来。我跑过去,将苹果捡了起来,用我颤抖、冰冷的手指握 住。在我所住的这块死气沉沉的地方,这个苹果简直就是生命和爱的象征。等我再抬头望时,那女孩在远处慢 慢地消失了。

第二天,我情不自禁在同样的时间又走到铁丝网那里去。希望她会再次出现是痴心妄想?当然。因为,在这种 环境里,有一丁点的希望也要抓住。她给了我希望,我必须要抓牢它。她又出现了。这次她又给我带来了一个 苹果,和那个同样甜蜜的微笑一起抛过铁丝网这边来。

这次我接住了苹果,而且举在手上向她示意。她的眼睛闪耀着光芒。她是在可怜我?也许吧。我才不在乎呢! 能看着她我就很高兴了。很久以来的第一次,我感到我的心中有了情感。我们就像这样交往了七个月。有时候 我们也会交谈几句,其他的时候只是一个苹果。但是,她不只是慰藉了我的胃,她就像是天堂来的天使,慰藉 了我的灵魂。而且,我知道,在某种程度上,我也慰藉了她的灵魂。

一天,我听到一个可怕的消息:我们要被转移到别的集中营去。对我来说真像世界末日,这意味着我和她将要 永别了。第二天,当我对她打招呼时,我心都碎了,几乎说不出话来,但是我还是说了必须要说的话:“明天 不用给我带苹果来了,”我告诉她。“我要被转移到别的集中营去。我们再也见不了面了。”在情绪失控前,我转身从铁丝网旁边跑开了。我忍不住想回头望。但是我知道我不能回头,我不能让她看到我泪流满面的样子。

又是几个月过去,噩梦继续着。但是与这个女孩在一起的美好回忆支撑着我度过了那些恐怖、痛苦和绝望的日 子。我在脑海里不断地回想起她的脸庞,她和蔼的眼神,她温柔的话语和苹果的美味。

直到有一天,就这样突然之间,噩梦结束了。战争结束了。集中营里还活着的人自由了。我已经失去了所有宝 贵的东西。但是我还保有对这个女孩的记忆,放在心里的记忆,它给予我继续生活的意志。我移居到了美国,开始了新生活。

转眼间就到了1957年,我当时住在纽约市。一位朋友游说我与他的一位女性朋友相亲。我不太情愿地答应了。其实,那位女人不错,她名叫罗玛。同我一样,她也是位移民,所以我们至少有这个共同点。

“在战争的时候你在哪儿?”罗玛小心翼翼地问我,移民们互相问到那些岁月时都会用那种微妙的语调。

“我当时在德国的集中营里,”我回答。罗玛的眼神变得意味深长,仿佛她想起了什么事,痛苦但又甜蜜的事。“怎么了?”我问道。

“我只是想起了从前的一些事情,赫尔曼,”罗玛突然用一种深情的声音向我解释。“我当时是个小女孩,我 住在一所集中营附近。那里有个小男孩,我天天都去探望他。我记得我给他带去苹果。我把苹果抛过防护网,他就非常高兴。”罗玛重重叹了口气,继续说道。“很难说清楚我们当时对彼此的感觉,毕竟,我们都很年轻,而且有机会时我们也只谈过几句话,但是我可以告诉你,我和他之间还是有感觉的。我想他肯定和其他人一 样,被杀了。但是我接受不了他已死了,所以我尽量去怀念他还活着的时候,我们在一起度过的那几个月时光。”

我的心狂跳起来,真怕它会爆炸了。我盯着罗玛的眼睛看着,问道,“有一天,那个男孩是否对你说,明天 不用给我带苹果来了。我要被转移到别的集中营去,?”

“哎?是呀,”罗玛回答道,她的声音在颤抖。“但是,赫尔曼,你怎么可能会知道这个?”

我拉她的手,回答,“因为我就是那个小男孩,罗玛。”

此时无声胜有声。我们无法将眼光从彼此身上移开,随着时间的面纱被揭开,我们认出了彼此眼光后面的灵魂,我们深深地爱着对方的灵魂,我们从来没有停止过相爱,我们从来没有停止过回忆那段往事。

1996年情人节,我带着罗玛参加了“奥普拉?温弗雷脱口秀”,在国家电视台的节目中表达我对她的爱。我希望 在亿万观众面前告诉她,每一天我在心里对她的感觉:“亲爱的,当我在集中营里饥饿时,你用食物喂我。但 是我现在还是饿,因为有些东西你始终喂不饱我:我只是渴望你的爱。”

concentration

【释义】n. 浓度;集中;浓缩;专心;集合

【短语】concentration cell 浓度电池

shiver

【释义】n. 颤抖,战栗;碎片 vi. 颤抖;哆嗦;打碎 vt. 颤抖;打碎

【短语】shivering all over with cold 冷的浑身发抖

emaciated

【释义】adj. 瘦弱的;憔悴的 v. 憔悴;消瘦下去

fathom

【释义】n.英寻(测量水深的长度单位) vt. 看穿;彻底了解

【短语】fathom line 等深线,测量索;fathom into 探索

cautiously

【释义】adv. 慎重地,谨慎地

【短语】speak cautiously 谨慎地说;cautiously ventures谨慎投资

triumph

【释义】n. 胜利,凯旋;欢欣 vi. 获得胜利,成功

【短语】triumph over 获胜,战胜,击败

tremble

【释义】n. 颤抖;战栗;摇晃 vi. 发抖;战栗;焦虑;摇晃 vt. 使挥动

【短语】tremble with 因……而颤抖

fling

【释义】vt. 掷,抛;嘲笑 vi. 猛冲,急行 n. 掷,抛;嘲弄;急冲

【短语】fling off 发出,甩掉;at one fling 一鼓作气地

Holding a Heart/ 手捧你心

It came upon us suddenly. One day,we were living quiet,happy,ordinary lives. The next,my husband and I were facing triple bypass surgery.

He had not told me about the shortness of breath he,d experienced a few months earlier. Nor did he mention a visit to a hospital ER while he was out of town on business. When he was sufficiently alarmed by the state of his health,he finally confessed and asked me to set up an appointment with the doctor-as soon as possible. I knew it was serious when that happened because men,delightful creatures though they may be,are not known for their eagerness to“have the doc take a look.”

Tests revealed a 90% blockage in one artery,and severe blockages in two others. The term“widow maker”was mentioned. Before we,d really come to grips with what was happening,we found ourselves in Savannah very early one morning. He was being prepped for surgery,and I was praying every prayer I,d ever learned,and making up my own as time passed. My best friend and one of my sons were by my side.