Years ago Patrick J. O’Haire joined one of my classes. Hehad had little education， and how he loved a scrap！ He hadonce been a chauffeur， and he came to me because he had beentrying， without much success， to sell trucks. A little questioningbrought out the fact that he was continually scrapping with andantagonizing the very people he was trying to do business with，If a prospect said anything derogatory about the trucks he wasselling， Pat saw red and was right at the customer’s throat. Patwon a lot of arguments in those days. As he said to me afterward， “Ioften walked out of an office saving： ‘I told that bird something.’
Sure I had told him something， but I hadn’t sold him anything.”
My first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O’Haire to talk.
My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking andto avoid verbal fights.
Mr. O’Haire became one of the star salesmen for the WhiteMotor Company in New York. How did he do it？
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say： If you argue and rankle andcontradict， you may achieve a victory sometimes； but it will be anempty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have，an academic， theatrical victory or a person’s good will？ You canseldom have both.
You may be right， dead right， as you speed along in yourargument； but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned，you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.
Frederick S. Parsons， an income tax consultant， had beendisputing and wrangling for an hour with a goverment tax inspector.
An item of nine thousand dollars was at stake. Mr. Parsons claimedthat this nine thousand dollars was in reality a bad debt， that itwould never be collected， that it ought not to be taxed. “Bad debt，my eye！” retorted the inspector. “It must be taxed.”
“This inspector was cold， arrogant and stubborn，” Mr. Parsonssaid as he told the story to the class. “Reason was wasted and sowere facts... The longer we argued， the more stubborn he became.
So I decided to avoid argument， change the subject， and give himappreciation.
“I said， ‘I suppose this is a very petty matter in comparisonwith the really important and difficult decisions you’re requiredto make. I’ve made a study of taxation myself. But I’ve had toget my knowledge from books. You are getting yours from thefiring line of experience. I sometime wish I had a job like yours. Itwould teach me a lot.’ I meant every word I said.
“Well.” The inspector straightened up in his chair， leanedback， and talked for a long time about his work， telling me ofthe clever frauds he had uncovered. His tone gradually becamefriendly， and presently he was telling me about his children. Ashe left， he advised me that he would consider my problem furtherand give me his decision in a few days.
“He called at my office three days later and informed me thathe had decided to leave the tax return exactly as it was filed.”
This tax inspector was demonstrating one of the most commonof human frailties. He wanted a feeling of importance； and as longas Mr. Parsons argued with him， he got his feeling of importanceby loudly asserting his authority. But as soon as his importancewas admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted toexpand his ego， he became a sympathetic and kindly human being.
Buddha said： “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love，”
and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but bytact， diplomacy， conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see theother person’s viewpoint.
Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for indulgingin a violent controversy with an associate. “No man who is resolved to make the most of himself，” said Lincoln， “can sparetime for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take theconsequences， including the vitiation of his temper and the lossof self-control. Yield larger things to which you show no morethan equal rights； and yield lesser ones though clearly your own.
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contestingfor the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.”