PRINCIPLE 7：
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But theydon’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try tounderstand them. Only wise， tolerant， exceptional people even tryto do that.
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as hedoes. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions，perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
If you say to yourself， “How would I feel， how would I react ifI were in his shoes？” you will save yourself time and irritation， for“by becoming interested in the cause， we are less likely to dislikethe effect.” And， in addition， you will sharply increase your skillin human relationships.
I have always enjoyed walking and riding in a park near myhome. Like the Druids of ancient Gaul， I all but worship an oaktree， so I was distressed season after season to see the young treesand shrubs killed off by needless fires. These fires weren’t causedby careless smokers. They were almost all caused by youngsterswho went out to the park to go native and cook a frankfurter or anegg under the trees. Sometimes， these fires raged so fiercely thatthe fire department had to be called out to fight the conflagration.
There was a sign on the edge of the park saying that anyonewho started a fire was liable to fine and imprisonment， but thesign stood in an unfrequented part of the park， and few of theculprits ever saw it. A mounted policeman was supposed to lookafter the park； but he didn’t take his duties too seriously， and thefires continued to spread season after season. On one occasion， I rushed up to a policeman and told him about a fire spreadingrapidly through the park and wanted him to notify the firedepartment， and he nonchalantly replied that it was none of hisbusiness because it wasn’t in his precinct！ I was desperate， so afterthat when I went riding， I acted as a self-appointed committee ofone to protect the public domain. In the beginning， I am afraid Ididn’t even attempt to see the other people’s point of view. WhenI saw a fire blazing under the trees， I was so unhappy about it， soeager to do the right thing， that I did the wrong thing. I would rideup to the boys， warn them that they could be jailed for starting afire， order with a tone of authority that it be put out； and， if theyrefused， I would threaten to have them arrested. I was merelyunloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view.
The result？ They obeyed—obeyed sullenly and with resentment.
After I rode on over the hill， they probably rebuilt the fire andlonged to burn up the whole park.
With the passing of the years， I acquired a trifle more knowledgeof human relations， a little more tact， a somewhat greater tendencyto see things from the other person’s standpoint. Then， insteadof giving orders， I would ride up to a blazing fire and beginsomething like this：
“Having a good time， boys？ What are you going to cook forsupper？... I loved to build fires myself when I was a boy—and I stilllove to. But you know they are very dangerous here in the park. Iknow you boys don’t mean to do any harm， but other boys aren’t socareful. They come along and see that you have built a fire； so theybuild one and don’t put it out when they go home and it spreadsamong the dry leaves and kills the trees. We won’t have any treeshere at all if we aren’t more careful， You could be put in jail forbuilding this fire. But I don’t want to be bossy and interfere withyour pleasure. I like to see you enjoy yourselves； but won’t youplease rake all the leaves away from the fire right now—and you’ll116 ·
be careful to cover it with dirt， a lot of dirt， before you leave， won’tyou？ And the next time you want to have some fun， won’t youplease build your fire over the hill there in the sandpit？ It can’t doany harm there.... Thanks so much， boys. Have a good time.”
What a difference that kind of talk made！ It made the boyswant to cooperate. No sullenness， no resentment. They hadn’tbeen forced to obey orders. They had saved their faces. They feltbetter and I felt better because I had handled the situation withconsideration for their point of view.
“I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s officefor two hours before an interview，” said Dean Donham of theHarvard business school， “than step into that office without aperfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what thatperson—from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives—was likely to answer.”
That is so important that I am going to repeat it in italics forthe sake of emphasis.
I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s officefor two hours before an interview than step into that officewithout a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say andwhat that persob—from my knowledge of his or her interestsand motives—was likely to answer.
If， as a result of reading this book， you get only one thing—anincreased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’spoint of view， and see things from that person’s angle as well asyour own—if you get only that one thing from this book， it mayeasily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.