Worry About Ingratitude
I recently met a business man in Texas who was burned upwith indignation. I was warned that he would tell me about itwithin fifteen minutes after I met him. He did. The incident hewas angry about had occurred eleven months previously， but hewas still burned up about it. He couldn’t speak of anything else.
He had given his thirty-four employees ten thousand dollarsin Christmas bonusesapproximately three hundred dollarseach—and no one had thanked him. “I am sorry，” he complainedbitterly， “that I ever gave them a penny！”
“An angry man，” said Confucius， “is always full of poison.”
This man was so full of poison that I honestly pitied him. He wasabout sixty years old. Now， life-insurance companies figure that，on the average， we will live slightly more than two-thirds of thedifference between our present age and eighty. So this man—if hewas lucky—probably had about fourteen or fifteen years to live.
Yet he had already wasted almost one of his few remaining yearsby his bitterness and resentment over an event that was past andgone. I pitied him.
Instead of wallowing in resentment and self-pity， he mighthave asked himself why he didn’t get any appreciation. Maybehe had underpaid and overworked his employees. Maybe theyconsidered a Christmas bonus not a gift， but something they hadearned. Maybe he was so critical and unapproachable that no onedared or cared to thank him. Maybe they felt he gave the bonusbecause most of the profits were going for taxes， anyway.
On the other hand， maybe the employees were selfish， mean，and ill-mannered. Maybe this. Maybe that. I don’t know any moreabout it than you do. But I do know what Dr. Samuel Johnsonsaid： “Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation. You do not find itamong gross people.”
Here is the point I am trying to make： this man made thehuman and distressing mistake of expecting gratitude. He justdidn’t know human nature.
If you saved a man’s life， would you expect him to be grateful？
You might—but Samuel Leibowitz， who was a famous criminallawyer before he became a judge， saved seventy-eight men fromgoing to the electric chair！ How many of these men， do yousuppose， stopped to thank Samuel Leibowitz， or ever took thetrouble to send him a Christmas card？ How many？ Guess....
That’s right—none.
Christ healed ten lepers in one afternoon—but how many of thoselepers even stopped to thank Him？ Only one. Look it up in SaintLuke. When Christ turned around to His disciples and asked： “Whereare the other nine？” They had all run away. Disappeared withoutthanks！ Let me ask you a question： Why should you and I—or thisbusiness man in Texas—expect more thanks for our small favoursthan was given Jesus Christ？
And when it comes to money matters！ Well， that is evenmore hopeless. Charles Schwab told me that he had once saved abank cashier who had speculated in the stock market with fundsbelonging to the bank. Schwab put up the money to save this manfrom going to the penitentiary. Was the cashier grateful？ Oh， yes，for a little while. Then he turned against Schwab and reviled himand denounced him—the very man who had kept him out of jail！
If you gave one of your relatives a million dollars， would youexpect him to be grateful？ Andrew Carnegie did just that. But if Andrew Carnegie had come back from the grave a little whilelater， he would have been shocked to find this relative cursinghim！ Why？ Because Old Andy had left 365 million dollars topublic charities—and had “cut him off with one measly million，”
as he put it.
That’s how it goes. Human nature has always been humannature—and it probably won’t change in your lifetime. So whynot accept it？ Why not be as realistic about it as was old MarcusAurelius， one of the wisest men who ever ruled the Roman Empire.
He wrote in his diary one day： “I am going to meet people todaywho talk too much—people who are selfish， egotistical， ungrateful.
But I won’t be surprised or disturbed， for I couldn’t imagine aworld without such people.” That makes sense， doesn’t it？ If youand I go around grumbling about ingratitude， who is to blame？ Isit human nature—or is it our ignorance of human nature？
Let’s not expect gratitude. Then， if we get some occasionally，it will come as a delightful surprise. If we don’t get it， we won’t bedisturbed.
Here is the first point I am trying to make in this chapter： Itis natural for people to forget to be grateful； so， if we go aroundexpecting gratitude， we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.
I know a woman in New York who is always complainingbecause she is lonely. Not one of her relatives wants to go nearher—and no wonder. If you visit her， she will tell you for hourswhat she did for her nieces when they were children： she nursedthem through the measles and the mumps and the whoopingcough；she boarded them for years； she helped to send one ofthem through business school， and she made a home for the otheruntil she got married.
Do the nieces come to see her？ Oh， yes， now and then， out ofa spirit of duty. But they dread these visits. They know they will have to sit and listen for hours to half-veiled reproaches. Theywill be treated to an endless litany of bitter complaints and selfpityingsighs. And when this woman can no longer bludgeon，browbeat， or bully her nieces into coming to see her， she has oneof her “spells”. She develops a heart attack.
Is the heart attack real？ Oh， yes. The doctors say she has “anervous heart”， suffers from palpitations. But the doctors also saythey can do nothing for her—her trouble is emotional.
What this woman really wants is love and attention. Butshe calls it “gratitude”. And she will never get gratitude or love，because she demands it. She thinks it’s her due.
There are thousands of women like her， women who are illfrom “ingratitude”， loneliness， and neglect. They long to be loved；but the only way in this world that they can ever hope to be lovedis to stop asking for it and to start pouring out love without hope ofreturn.