书城外语当英语成为时尚:生活全由你创造
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第53章 There Are No Mistakes, Only Lessons 没有错误,只有教训

Anonymous

心灵寄语

生活中,我们有时往往会过分苛求自己,在这种情况下,我们需要有一颗宽恕之心,使自己从自轻、自卑的困境中解脱出来。失败并不可怕,可怕的是一个人无法从失败的阴影里解脱出来。我们要学会自我宽恕,敞开心扉,抛开情感障碍,用心去感受和体会这个世界。

Human growth is a process of experimentation, trial, and error ultimately leading to wisdom. Each time you choose to trust yourself and take action, you can never quite be certain how the situation will turn out. Sometimes you are victorious, and sometimes you become disillusioned1. The failed experiments, however, are no less valuable than the experiments that ultimately prove successful;in fact, you usually learn more from your perceived2“failures”than you do from your perceived“successes”.

If you have made what you perceive to be a mistake or failed to live up to your own expectations, you will most likely put up a barrier between your essence and the part of you that is the alleged3 wrong-doer. However, perceiving past actions as mistakes implies guilt and blame, and it is not possible to learn anything meaningful while you are engaged in blaming. Therefore, forgiveness is required when you are harshly judging yourself.

Forgiveness is the act of erasing an emotional debt. There are four kinds of forgiveness.

The first is beginner forgiveness for yourself.

The second of forgiveness is beginner forgiveness for another.

The third kind of forgiveness is advanced forgiveness of yourself. This is for serious transgressions4,the ones you carry with deep shame when you do something that violates your own values and ethics, you create a chasm5 between your standards and your actual behavior. In such a case, you need to work very hard at forgiving yourself for these deeds so that you can close this chasm and realign6 with the best part of yourself. This does not mean that you should rush to forgive yourself or not feel regret or remorse7;but wallowing in these feelings for a protracted8 period of time is not healthy, and punishing yourself excessively will only creates a bigger gap between you and your ethics.

The last and perhaps most difficult one is the advanced forgiveness of another. At some time of our life, you may have been severely wronged or hurt by another person to such a degree that forgiveness seems impossible. However, harboring resentment and revenge fantasies only keeps you trapped in victim hood. Under such a circumstance, you should force yourself to see the bigger picture, by doing so, you will be able to shift the focus away from the anger and resentment. It is only through forgiveness that you can erase wrongdoing and clean the memory. When you can finally release the situation, you may come to see it as a necessary part of your growth.

佚名

人的成长是一个过程,在此期间我们不断尝试、不断经历磨练和失误,最终才能获取智慧。每当你满怀信心采取行动时,你永远无法预见会有什么样的结果。有时,你会体会成功的喜悦,但有时也会体验失败的沮丧。然而,失败的经历往往比那些最后被证明是成功的经历更加可贵。事实上,你可以从失败的经历中学到更多的东西。

当你认定自己犯了错误或是没有达到预计目标时,你可能会在真正的自我和犯错误的自己之间建筑一道壁垒。然而,一味地否定自己势必会深陷在内疚和自责中。因此,在你对自己太过苛严的时候,最需要的是自我宽恕。

所谓自我宽恕,就是放下情感上的包袱,它分为四种:

第一种是对自己的初级宽恕。

第二种是对他人的初级宽恕。

第三种是对自己更进一步的宽恕。这种宽恕是针对自己的极大恶行而言的,是那些有悖于自己的价值观和道德观,让我们深感惭愧的行为。这时,你自己的行为准则和实际表现之间出现了一道裂痕。在这种情况下,你需要努力去原谅自己的过失,以便修复这道裂痕,重新展示自己最好的一面。这并不意味着你可以轻易原谅自己,或者毫不悔改;但是,一味地深陷于自责和悔恨是不健康的,过度地自我惩罚只会让你越发偏离真正的你以及你的道德标准。

最后一种,也可能是最难的一种宽恕即对他人更进一步的宽恕。在我们的生活中,有时你可能被别人冤枉过、经受过极大的委屈和极深的伤害,甚至到了不可原谅他人的程度。但是,如果你心怀怨恨、企图报复,那样只会使自己深陷于受伤害的情绪之中,难以自拔。此时,你必须强迫自己放宽心胸,只有这样才能把你的注意力从恼怒和仇恨中转移开来。只有通过宽恕,你才能忘记过错,重新获得心灵的平静。当你最终能够释怀时,也许会意识到这是你成长过程中必修的一课。

词汇空间 ocabulary

1.disillusioned adj. 不再抱幻想的,大失所望的

2.perceived adj. 感知到的,认识到的

3.alleged adj. 声称的,所谓的

4.transgression n. 违反,罪过

5.chasm n. 裂缝,裂口

6.realign v. 重新排列,再结盟

7.remorse n. 懊悔,自责

8.protracted adj. 拖延的,延长的

文化链接 Culture Background

《宽容》(Tolerance)

《宽容》这本书的作者是荷兰裔美国作家和历史学家亨德里克·威廉·房龙(Hendrik Willem Van Loon 1882—1944)。《宽容》是一部描写人类思想发展史、畅销近百年的通俗历史读本。房龙从人文主义的立场出发,从不同宗教派别的冲突中寻找背后的深层根源,揭示了一幕幕因为固执己见所带来的悲剧,勾勒了一幅波阑壮阔的人类思想解放史。

妙语拾珠

1.Human growth is a process of experimentation, trial, and error ultimately leading to wisdom.

人的成长是一个过程,在此期间我们不断尝试、不断经历磨练和失误,最终才能获取智慧。

2.It is only through forgiveness that you can erase wrongdoing and clean the memory.

只有通过宽恕,你才能忘记过错,重新获得心灵的平静。