The whole of this training is a matter of maturing. Maturity is wisdom, which is unfortunately not connected to age. If it were, it would be very easy. One would have a guarantee. Since it is hard work, a job to be done. First comes recognition, then learning not to condemn, but to understand. “This is the way it is.” The third step is change. Recognition may be the hardest part for most people; it’s not easy to see what goes on inside of oneself. This is the most important and the most interesting aspect of contemplation.
We lead a contemplative life, but that does not mean we sit in meditation all day long. A contemplative life means that one considers every aspect of what happens as part of a learning experience. One remains introspective under all circumstances. When one becomes outgoing, one goes to the world with one’s thoughts, speech and action. One needs to recollect oneself and return within. In our way it’s a combination of meditation and lifestyle. The contemplative life goes on inside of oneself. One can do the same thing with or without recollection. Contemplation is the most important aspect of introspection. It isn’t necessary to sit still all day and watch one’s breath. Every move, every thought, every word can give rise to understanding oneself.
This kind of work on oneself will bring about deep inner security, which is rooted in reality. Most people are wishing and hoping for this kind of security, but are not even able to voice their longing. Living in a myth, constantly hoping or being afraid is opposed to having inner strength. The feeling of security arises when one sees reality inside of oneself and thereby the reality in everyone else and comes to terms with it.
The contemplative life is often lived heavy-handedly. A certain lack of joy is compensated for by being outgoing. This doesn’t work. One should cultivate certain light-heartedness, but stay within oneself. There’s nothing to be worried or fearful about, nothing that is too difficult. So we need a light-hearted approach to our own difficulties and those of everyone else, but not exuberance and outpouring. Rather a constant inwardness, which contains a bit of amusement. This works best. If one has a sense of humor about oneself, it is much easier to love oneself properly. It’s also much easier to love everybody else.
We sometimes think we can portray something we are not. That is not possible. People generally try to show themselves off as something better than they really are. Then, of course, they become disappointed in themselves when they fail, and equally disappointed in others. To realistically know oneself makes it possible to truly love. That kind of feeling gives the light-heartedness to this job in which we’re engaged, which is needed. By accepting ourselves and others as we truly are, our job of purification, chipping away at the defilements, is made much easier.
爱自己是件很困难的事，这真是一种很奇怪的现象！或许有人以为这是世界上最容易的事，因为我们始终都在关心自己。我们总对能获得多少，表现多好，如何舒适地生活怀有极大的兴趣。那为何真正地爱自己就那么难呢?
当然，爱自己并不意味着放纵自己。很多人都没有真正地爱过自己，他们知道，很多东西并不是自己渴望就能得到。每个人都有很多想法，有不同反应和好恶。他们会认为：没有这些，他们会更快乐。当一个人肯定自己某些方面而厌恶其他方面时，他就作出了判断。于是，我们对自身不满的方面被压制下去，不想去了解，也不想承认它的存在。这是非常有碍自己成长的方式。