"She turned as pale as death; and looking me fixedly in the eyes, as if wanting to read my innermost thoughts, she asked,--" 'And you, what do you want?'
" 'I,' I replied with a forced laugh,--'I want nothing just now. But the thing will have to be done sooner or later. A man must have a home, affections which the world acknowledges'--" 'And I,' she broke in; 'what am I to you?'
" 'You,' I exclaimed, 'you, Genevieve! I love you with all the strength of my heart. But we are separated by a gulf: you are married.'
"She was still looking at me fixedly.
" 'In other words,' she said, 'you have loved me as a pastime. I have been the amusement of your youth, the poetry of twenty years, that love-romance which every man wants to have. But you are becoming serious; you want sober affections, and you leave me. Well, be it so.
But what is to become of me when you are married?'
"I was suffering terribly.
" 'You have your husband,' I stammered, 'your children'--"She stopped me.
" 'Yes,' she said. 'I shall go back go live at Valpinson, in that country full of associations, where every place recalls a rendezvous.
I shall live with my husband, whom I have betrayed; with daughters, one of whom-- That cannot be, Jacques.'
"I had a fit of courage.
" 'Still,' I said, 'I may have to marry. What would you do?'
" 'Oh! very little,' she replied. 'I should hand all your letters to Count Claudieuse.' "During the thirty years which he had spent at the bar, M. Magloire had heard many a strange confession; but never in his life had all his ideas been overthrown as in this case.
"That is utterly confounding," he murmured.
But Jacques went on,--
"Was this threat of the countess meant in earnest? I did not doubt it;but affecting great composure, I said,--
" 'You would not do that.'
" 'By all that I hold dear and sacred in this world,' she replied, 'Iwould do it.'
"Many months have passed by since that scene, Magloire, many events have happened; and still I feel as if it had taken place yesterday. Isee the countess still, whiter than a ghost. I still hear her trembling voice; and I can repeat to you her words almost literally,--" 'Ah! you are surprised at my determination, Jacques. I understand that. Wives who have betrayed their husbands have not accustomed their lovers to be held responsible by them. When they are betrayed, they dare not cry out; when they are abandoned, they submit; when they are sacrificed, they hide their tears, for to cry would be to avow their wrong. Who would pity them, besides? Have they not received their well-known punishment? Hence it is that all men agree, and there are some of them cynical enough to confess it, that a married woman is a convenient lady-love, because she can never be jealous, and she may be abandoned at any time. Ah! we women are great cowards. If we had more courage, you men would look twice before you would dare speak of love to a married woman. But what no one dares I will dare. It shall not be said that in our common fault there are two parts, and that you shall have had all the benefit of it, and that I must bear all the punishment. What? You might be free to-morrow to console yourself with a new love; and I--I should have to sink under my shame and remorse.
No, no! Such bonds as those that bind us, riveted by long years of complicity, are not broken so easily.
" 'You belong to me; you are mine; and I shall defend you against all and every one, with such arms as I possess. I told you that I valued my reputation more than my life; but I never told you that I valued life. On the eve of your wedding-day, my husband shall know all. Ishall not survive the loss of my honor; but at least I shall have my revenge. If you escape the hatred of Count Claudieuse, your name will be bound up with such a tragic affair that your life will be ruined forever.'
"That was the way she spoke, Magloire, and with a passion of which Ican give you no idea. It was absurd, it was insane, I admit. But is not all passion absurd and insane? Besides, it was by no means a sudden inspiration of her pride, which made her threaten me with such vengeance. The precision of her phrases, the accuracy of her words, all made me feel that she had long meditated such a blow, and carefully calculated the effect of every word.
"I was thunderstruck.
"And as I kept silence for some time, she asked me coldly,--" 'Well?'
"I had to gain time, first of all.
" 'Well,' I said, 'I cannot understand your passion. This marriage which I mentioned has never existed as yet, except in my mother's imagination.'
" 'True?' she asked.
" 'I assure you.'
"She examined me with suspicious eyes. At last she said,--" 'Well, I believe you. But now you are warned: let us think no more of such horrors.'
"She might think no more of them, but I could not.
"I left her with fury in my heart.
"She had evidently settled it all. I had for lifetime this halter around my neck, which held me tighter day by day and, at the slightest effort to free myself, I must be prepared for a terrible scandal; for one of those overwhelming adventures which destroy a man's whole life.
Could I ever hope to make her listen to reason? No, I was quite sure Icould not.
"I knew but too well that I should lose my time, if I were to recall to her that I was not quite as guilty as she would make me out; if Iwere to show her that her vengeance would fall less upon myself than upon her husband and her children; and that, although she might blame the count for the conditions of their marriage, her daughters, at least, were innocent.
"I looked in vain for an opening out of this horrible difficulty. Upon my honor, Magloire, there were moments when I thought I would pretend getting married, for the purpose of inducing the countess to act, and of bringing upon myself these threats which were hanging over me. Ifear no danger; but I cannot bear to know it to exist, and to wait for it with folded hands: I must go forth and meet it.