SIR PETER.And now my dear Friend if you please we will talk over the situation of your Hopes with Maria.
SURFACE.No--no--Sir Peter--another Time if you Please--[softly].
SIR PETER.I am sensibly chagrined at the little Progress you seem to make in her affection.
SURFACE.I beg you will not mention it--What are my Disappointments when your Happiness is in Debate [softly].'Sdeath I shall be ruined every way.
SIR PETER.And tho' you are so averse to my acquainting Lady Teazle with YOUR passion, I am sure she's not your Enemy in the Affair.
SURFACE.Pray Sir Peter, now oblige me.--I am really too much affected by the subject we have been speaking of to bestow a thought on my own concerns--The Man who is entrusted with his Friend's Distresses can never----Enter SERVANT
Well, Sir?
SERVANT.Your Brother Sir, is--speaking to a Gentleman in the Street, and says He knows you're within.
SURFACE.'Sdeath, Blockhead--I'm NOT within--I'm out for the Day.
SIR PETER.Stay--hold--a thought has struck me--you shall be at home.
SURFACE.Well--well--let him up.--
[Exit SERVANT.]
He'll interrupt Sir Peter, however.[Aside.]
SIR PETER.Now, my good Friend--oblige me I Intreat you--before Charles comes--let me conceal myself somewhere--Then do you tax him on the Point we have been talking on--and his answers may satisfy me at once.--SURFACE.O Fie--Sir Peter--would you have ME join in so mean a Trick? to trepan my Brother too?
SIR PETER.Nay you tell me you are SURE He is innocent--if so you do him the greatest service in giving him an opportunity to clear himself--and--you will set my Heart at rest--come you shall not refuse me--here behind this Screen will be--hey! what the Devil--there seems to be one listener here already--I'll swear I saw a Petticoat.--SURFACE.Ha! ha! ha! Well this is ridiculous enough--I'll tell you, Sir Peter--tho' I hold a man of Intrigue to be a most despicable Character--yet you know it doesn't follow that a man is to be an absolute Joseph either--hark'ee--'tis a little French Milliner--a silly Rogue that plagues me--and having some character, on your coming she ran behind the Screen.--SIR PETER.Ah a Rogue--but 'egad she has overheard all I have been saying of my Wife.
SURFACE.O 'twill never go any farther, you may depend on't.
SIR PETER.No!--then efaith let her hear it out.--Here's a Closet will do as well.--SURFACE.Well, go in there.--
SIR PETER.Sly rogue--sly Rogue.--
SURFACE.Gad's my Life what an Escape--! and a curious situation I'm in!--to part man and wife in this manner.--LADY TEAZLE.[peeps out.] Couldn't I steal off--SURFACE.Keep close, my Angel!
SIR PETER.[Peeping out.] Joseph--tax him home.
SURFACE.Back--my dear Friend LADY TEAZLE.[Peeping out.] Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in?--SURFACE.Be still--my Life!
SIR PETER.[Peeping.] You're sure the little Milliner won't blab?
SURFACE.In! in! my good Sir Peter--'Fore Gad, I wish I had a key to the Door.
Enter CHARLES
CHARLES.Hollo! Brother--what has been the matter? your Fellow wouldn't let me up at first--What[?] have you had a Jew or a wench with you.--SURFACE.Neither Brother I assure you.
CHARLES.But--what has made Sir Peter steal off--I thought He had been with you--SURFACE.He WAS Brother--but hearing you were coming He didn't chuse to stay--CHARLES.What[!] was the old Gentleman afraid I wanted to borrow money of him?
SURFACE.No Sir--but I am sorry to find[,] Charles--you have lately given that worthy man grounds for great Uneasiness.
CHARLES.Yes they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men--but how so Pray?
SURFACE.To be plain with you Brother He thinks you are endeavouring to gain Lady Teazle's Affections from him.
CHARLES.Who I--O Lud! not I upon my word.--Ha! ha! ha! so the old Fellow has found out that He has got a young wife has He? or what's worse she has discover'd that she has an old Husband?
SURFACE.This is no subject to jest on Brother--He who can laugh----CHARLES.True true as you were going to say--then seriously I never had the least idea of what you charge me with, upon my honour.
SURFACE.Well it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this.
CHARLES.[Aloud.] To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed to have taken a fancy--but upon my soul I never gave her the least encouragement.--Beside you know my Attachment to Maria--SURFACE.But sure Brother even if Lady Teazle had betray'd the fondest Partiality for you----CHARLES.Why--look'ee Joseph--I hope I shall never deliberately do a dishonourable Action--but if a pretty woman was purposely to throw herself in my way--and that pretty woman married to a man old enough to be her Father----SURFACE.Well?
CHARLES.Why I believe I should be obliged to borrow a little of your Morality, that's all.--but, Brother do you know now that you surprize me exceedingly by naming me with Lady Teazle--for faith I always understood YOU were her Favourite--SURFACE.O for shame--Charles--This retort is Foolish.
CHARLES.Nay I swear I have seen you exchange such significant Glances----SURFACE.Nay--nay--Sir--this is no jest--CHARLES.Egad--I'm serious--Don't you remember--one Day, when I called here----SURFACE.Nay--prithee--Charles CHARLES.And found you together----SURFACE.Zounds, Sir--I insist----
CHARLES.And another time when your Servant----SURFACE.Brother--brother a word with you--Gad I must stop him--[Aside.]
CHARLES.Informed--me that----
SURFACE.Hush!--I beg your Pardon but Sir Peter has overheard all we have been saying--I knew you would clear yourself, or I shouldn't have consented--CHARLES.How Sir Peter--Where is He--
SURFACE.Softly, there! [Points to the closet.]
CHARLES.[In the Closet!] O 'fore Heaven I'll have him out--Sir Peter come forth!
SURFACE.No--no----
CHARLES.I say Sir Peter--come into court.--[Pulls in SIR PETER.]