SCENE I.--SIR PETER and LADY TEAZLE
SIR PETER.Lady Teazle--Lady Teazle I'll not bear it.
LADY TEAZLE.Sir Peter--Sir Peter you--may scold or smile, according to your Humour[,] but I ought to have my own way in everything, and what's more I will too--what! tho' I was educated in the country I know very well that women of Fashion in London are accountable to nobody after they are married.
SIR PETER.Very well! ma'am very well! so a husband is to have no influence, no authority?
LADY TEAZLE.Authority! no, to be sure--if you wanted authority over me, you should have adopted me and not married me[:] I am sure you were old enough.
SIR PETER.Old enough--aye there it is--well--well--Lady Teazle, tho' my life may be made unhappy by your Temper--I'll not be ruined by your extravagance--LADY TEAZLE.My extravagance! I'm sure I'm not more extravagant than a woman of Fashion ought to be.
SIR PETER.No no Madam, you shall throw away no more sums on such unmeaning Luxury--'Slife to spend as much to furnish your Dressing Room with Flowers in winter as would suffice to turn the Pantheon into a Greenhouse, and give a Fete Champetre at Christmas.
LADY TEAZLE.Lord! Sir Peter am I to blame because Flowers are dear in cold weather? You should find fault with the Climate, and not with me.For my Part I'm sure I wish it was spring all the year round--and that Roses grew under one's Feet!
SIR PETER.Oons! Madam--if you had been born to those Fopperies I shouldn't wonder at your talking thus;--but you forget what your situation was when I married you--LADY TEAZLE.No, no, I don't--'twas a very disagreeable one or I should never nave married you.
SIR PETER.Yes, yes, madam, you were then in somewhat a humbler Style--the daughter of a plain country Squire.Recollect Lady Teazle when I saw you first--sitting at your tambour in a pretty figured linen gown--with a Bunch of Keys at your side, and your apartment hung round with Fruits in worsted, of your own working--LADY TEAZLE.O horrible!--horrible!--don't put me in mind of it!
SIR PETER.Yes, yes Madam and your daily occupation to inspect the Dairy, superintend the Poultry, make extracts from the Family Receipt-book, and comb your aunt Deborah's Lap Dog.
LADY TEAZLE.Abominable!
SIR PETER.Yes Madam--and what were your evening amusements?
to draw Patterns for Ruffles, which you hadn't the materials to make--play Pope Joan with the Curate--to read a sermon to your Aunt--or be stuck down to an old Spinet to strum your father to sleep after a Fox Chase.
LADY TEAZLE.Scandalous--Sir Peter not a word of it true--SIR PETER.Yes, Madam--These were the recreations I took you from--and now--no one more extravagantly in the Fashion--Every Fopery adopted--a head-dress to o'er top Lady Pagoda with feathers pendant horizontal and perpendicular--you forget[,] Lady Teazle--when a little wired gauze with a few Beads made you a fly Cap not much bigger than a blew-bottle, and your Hair was comb'd smooth over a Roll--LADY TEAZLE.Shocking! horrible Roll!!
SIR PETER.But now--you must have your coach--Vis-a-vis, and three powder'd Footmen before your Chair--and in the summer a pair of white cobs to draw you to Kensington Gardens--no recollection when y ou were content to ride double, behind the Butler, on a docked Coach-Horse?
LADY TEAZLE.Horrid!--I swear I never did.
SIR PETER.This, madam, was your situation--and what have I not done for you? I have made you woman of Fashion of Fortune of Rank--in short I have made you my wife.
LADY TEAZLE.Well then and there is but one thing more you can make me to add to the obligation.
SIR PETER.What's that pray?
LADY TEAZLE.Your widow.--
SIR PETER.Thank you Madam--but don't flatter yourself for though your ill-conduct may disturb my Peace it shall never break my Heart I promise you--however I am equally obliged to you for the Hint.
LADY TEAZLE.Then why will you endeavour to make yourself so disagreeable to me--and thwart me in every little elegant expense.
SIR PETER.'Slife--Madam I pray, had you any of these elegant expenses when you married me?
LADY TEAZLE.Lud Sir Peter would you have me be out of the Fashion?
SIR PETER.The Fashion indeed!--what had you to do with the Fashion before you married me?
LADY TEAZLE.For my Part--I should think you would like to have your wife thought a woman of Taste--SIR PETER.Aye there again--Taste! Zounds Madam you had no Taste when you married me--LADY TEAZLE.That's very true indeed Sir Peter! after having married you I should never pretend to Taste again I allow.
SIR PETER.So--so then--Madam--if these are your Sentiments pray how came I to be honour'd with your Hand?
LADY TEAZLE.Shall I tell you the Truth?
SIR PETER.If it's not too great a Favour.
LADY TEAZLE.Why the Fact is I was tired of all those agreeable Recreations which you have so good naturally [naturedly] Described--and having a Spirit to spend and enjoy a Fortune--I determined to marry the first rich man that would have me.
SIR PETER.A very honest confession--truly--but pray madam was there no one else you might have tried to ensnare but me.
LADY TEAZLE.O lud--I drew my net at several but you were the only one I could catch.
SIR PETER.This is plain dealing indeed--LADY TEAZLE.But now Sir Peter if we have finish'd our daily Jangle I presume I may go to my engagement at Lady Sneerwell's?
SIR PETER.Aye--there's another Precious circumstance--a charming set of acquaintance--you have made there!
LADY TEAZLE.Nay Sir Peter they are People of Rank and Fortune--and remarkably tenacious of reputation.
SIR PETER.Yes egad they are tenacious of Reputation with a vengeance, for they don't chuse anybody should have a Character but themselves! Such a crew! Ah! many a wretch has rid on hurdles who has done less mischief than these utterers of forged Tales, coiners of Scandal, and clippers of Reputation.
LADY TEAZLE.What would you restrain the ******* of speech?
SIR PETER.Aye they have made you just as bad [as] any one of the Society.