She thinks just as much of her varicose veins as we do of the loss of our wives."I wonder what Bastin's ideas of unpleasant conversation may be, thought I to myself, as I watched him depart already wool-gathering on some other subject, probably the heresy of one of those "early fathers" who occupied most of his thoughts.
Bickley listened to my tale in sympathetic silence, as a doctor does to a patient.When he was obliged to speak, he said that it was interesting as an example of a tendency of certain minds towards romantic vision which sometimes asserts itself, even in the throes of death.
"You know," he added, "that I put faith in none of these things.I wish that I could, but reason and science both show me that they lack foundation.The world on the whole is a sad place, where we arrive through the passions of others implanted in them by Nature, which, although it cares nothing for individual death, is tender towards the impulse of races of every sort to preserve their collective life.Indeed the impulse is Nature, or at least its chief manifestation.Consequently, whether we be gnats or elephants, or anything between and beyond, even stars for aught Iknow, we must make the best of things as they are, taking the good and the evil as they come and getting all we can out of life until it leaves us, after which we need not trouble.You had a good time for a little while and were happy in it; now you are having a bad time and are wretched.Perhaps in the future, when your mental balance has re-asserted itself, you will have other good times in the afternoon of your days, and then follow twilight and the dark.That is all there is to hope for, and we may as well look the thing in the face.Only I confess, my dear fellow, that your experience convinces me that marriage should be avoided at whatever inconvenience.Indeed I have long wondered that anyone can take the responsibility of bringing a child into the world.But probably nobody does in cold blood, except misguided idiots like Bastin," he added."He would have twenty, had not his luck intervened.""Then you believe in nothing, Friend," I said.
"Nothing, I am sorry to say, except what I see and my five senses appreciate.""You reject all possibility of miracle, for instance?""That depends on what you mean by miracle.Science shows us all kinds of wonders which our great grandfathers would have called miracles, but these are nothing but laws that we are beginning to understand.Give me an instance.""Well," I replied at hazard, "if you were assured by someone that a man could live for a thousand years?""I should tell him that he was a fool or a liar, that is all.
It is impossible."
"Or that the same identity, spirit, animating principle--call it what you will--can flit from body to body, say in successive ages? Or that the dead can communicate with the living?""Convince me of any of these things, Arbuthnot, and mind you Idesire to be convinced, and I will take back every word I have said and walk through Fulcombe in a white sheet proclaiming myself the fool.Now, I must get off to the Cottage Hospital to cut out Widow Jenkins's varicose veins.They are tangible and real at any rate; about the largest I ever saw, indeed.Give up dreams, old boy, and take to something useful.You might go back to your fiction writing; you seem to have leanings that way, and you know you need not publish the stories, except privately for the edification of your friends."With this Parthian shaft Bickley took his departure to make a job of Widow Jenkins's legs.
I took his advice.During the next few months I did write something which occupied my thoughts for a while, more or less.
It lies in my safe to this minute, for somehow I have never been able to make up my mind to burn what cost me so much physical and mental toil.
When it was finished my melancholy returned to me with added force.Everything in the house took a tongue and cried to me of past days.Its walls echoed a voice that I could never hear again; in the very looking-glasses I saw the reflection of a lost presence.Although I had moved myself for the purposes of sleep to a little room at the further end of the building, footsteps seemed to creep about my bed at night and I heard the rustle of a remembered dress without the door.The place grew hateful to me.
I felt that I must get away from it or I should go mad.
One afternoon Bastin arrived carrying a book and in a state of high indignation.This work, written, as he said, by some ribald traveller, grossly traduced the character of missionaries to the South Sea Islands, especially of those of the Society to which he subscribed, and he threw it on the table in his righteous wrath.
Bickley picked it up and opened it at a photograph of a very pretty South Sea Island girl clad in a few flowers and nothing else, which he held towards Bastin, saying:
"Is it to this child of Nature.that you object? I call her distinctly attractive, though perhaps she does wear her hibiscus blooms with a difference to our women--a little lower down.""The devil is always attractive," replied Bastin gloomily.
"Child of Nature indeed! I call her Child of Sin.That photograph is enough to make my poor Sarah turn in her grave.""Why?" asked Bickley; "seeing that wide seas roll between you and this dusky Venus.Also I thought that according to your Hebrew legend sin came in with bark garments.""You should search the Scriptures, Bickley," I broke in, "and cultivate accuracy.It was fig-leaves that symbolised its arrival.The garments, which I think were of skin, developed later.""Perhaps," went on Bickley, who had turned the page, "she" (he referred to the late Mrs.Bastin) "would have preferred her thus," and he held up another illustration of the same woman.