I must add that I never converted him to my way of thinking and he never converted me to his, any more than he converted Bastin, for whom, queerly enough, he had a liking.They pounded away at each other, Bickley frequently getting the best of it in the argument, and when at last Bastin rose to go, he generally made the same remark.It was:
"It really is sad, my dear Bickley, to find a man of your intellect so utterly wrongheaded and misguided.I have convicted you of error at least half a dozen times, and not to confess it is mere pigheadedness.Good night.I am sure that Sarah will be sitting up for me.""Silly old idiot!" Bickley would say, shaking his fist after him."The only way to get him to see the truth would be to saw his head open and pour it in."Then we would both laugh.
Such were my two most intimate friends, although I admit it was rather like the equator cultivating close relationships with the north and south poles.Certainly Bastin was as far from Bickley as those points of the earth are apart, while I.as it were, sat equally distant between the two.However, we were all very happy together, since in certain characters, there are few things that bind men more closely than profound differences of opinion.
Now I must turn to my more personal affairs.After all, it is impossible for a man to satisfy his soul, if he has anything of the sort about him which in the remotest degree answers to that description, with the husks of wealth, luxury and indolence, supplemented by occasional theological and other arguments between his friends; Becoming profoundly convinced of this truth, I searched round for something to do and, like Noah's dove on the waste of waters, found nothing.Then I asked Bickley and Bastin for their opinions as to my best future course.Bickley proved a barren draw.He rubbed his nose and feebly suggested that I might go in for "research work," which, of course, only represented his own ambitions.I asked him indignantly how I could do such a thing without any scientific qualifications whatever.He admitted the difficulty, but replied that I might endow others who had the qualifications.
"In short, become a much cow for sucking scientists," Ireplied, and broke off the conversation.
Bastin's idea was, first, that I should teach in a Sunday School; secondly, that if this career did not satisfy all my aspirations, I might be ordained and become a missionary.
On my rejection of this brilliant advice, he remarked that the only other thing he could think of was that I should get married and have a large family, which might possibly advantage the nation and ultimately enrich the Kingdom of Heaven, though of such things no one could be quite sure.At any rate, he was certain that at present I was in practice neglecting my duty, whatever it might be, and in fact one of those cumberers of the earth who, he observed in the newspaper he took in and read when he had time, were "very happily named--the idle rich.""Which reminds me," he added, "that the clothing-club finances are in a perfectly scandalous condition; in fact, it is ?5 in debt, an amount that as the squire of the parish I consider it incumbent on you to make good, not as a charity but as an obligation.""Look here, my friend," I said, ignoring all the rest, "will you answer me a plain question? Have you found marriage such a success that you consider it your duty to recommend it to others?
And if you have, why have you not got the large family of which you speak?""Of course not," he replied with his usual frankness."Indeed, it is in many ways so disagreeable that I am convinced it must be right and for the good of all concerned.As regards the family Iam sure I do not know, but Sarah never liked babies, which perhaps has something to do with it."Then he sighed, adding, "You see, Arbuthnot, we have to take things as we find them in this world and hope for a better.""Which is just what I am trying to do, you unilluminating old donkey!" I exclaimed, and left him there shaking his head over matters in general, but I think principally over Sarah.
By the way, I think that the villagers recognised this good lady's vinegary nature.At least, they used to call her "Sour Sal."