FORD'S house
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE
MRS.FORD.What, John! what, Robert! MRS.PAGE.Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket- MRS.FORD.I warrant.What, Robin, I say!
Enter SERVANTS with a basket
MRS.PAGE.Come, come, come.MRS.FORD.Here, set it down.MRS.PAGE.Give your men the charge; we must be brief.MRS.FORD.Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders.That done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.Mrs.PAGE.You will do it? MRS.FORD.I ha' told them over and over; they lack no direction.Be gone, and come when you are call'd.Exeunt SERVANTS MRS.PAGE.Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN
MRS.FORD.How now, my eyas-musket, what news with you? ROBIN.My Master Sir John is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.MRS.PAGE.You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us? ROBIN.Ay, I'll be sworn.My master knows not of your being here, and hath threat'ned to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away.MRS.PAGE.Thou 'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.I'll go hide me.MRS.FORD.Do so.Go tell thy master I am alone.[Exit ROBIN] Mistress Page, remember you your cue.MRS.PAGE.I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.Exit MRS.PAGE MRS.FORD.Go to, then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross wat'ry pumpion; we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.
Enter FALSTAFF
FALSTAFF.Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have liv'd long enough; this is the period of my ambition.O this blessed hour! MRS.FORD.O sweet Sir John! FALSTAFF.MistressFord, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford.Now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.MRS.FORD.I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be a pitiful lady.FALSTAFF.Let the court of France show me such another.I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond; thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.MRS.FORD.A plain kerchief, Sir John; my brows become nothing else, nor that well neither.FALSTAFF.By the Lord, thou art a tyrant to say so; thou wouldst make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale.I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were, not Nature, thy friend.Come, thou canst not hide it.MRS.FORD.Believe me, there's no such thing in me.FALSTAFF.What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee there's something extra-ordinary in thee.Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn-buds that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in ****** time; I cannot; but I love thee, none but thee; and thou deserv'st it.MRS.FORD.Do not betray me, sir; I fear you love Mistress Page.FALSTAFF.Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.MRS.FORD.Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it.FALSTAFF.Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.MRS.FORD.Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.ROBIN.[Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.FALSTAFF.She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras.MRS.FORD.Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling woman.[FALSTAFF hides himself]
Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN
What's the matter? How now! MRS.PAGE.O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're sham'd, y'are overthrown, y'are undone for ever.MRS.FORD.What's the matter, good Mistress Page? MRS.PAGE.O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! MRS.FORD.What cause of suspicion?