"With the understanding that I am addressing myself confidentially to men of honor," said the colonel, elevating his chest above the bar-room counter of the Prairie Rose Saloon, "I trust that it will not be necessary for me to protect myself from levity, as I was forced to do in Sacramento on the only other occasion when Ientered into an explanation of this delicate affair by--er--er--calling the individual to a personal account--er.I do not believe," added the colonel, slightly waving his glass of liquor in the air with a graceful gesture of courteous deprecation, "knowing what I do of the present company, that such a course of action is required here.Certainly not, sir, in the home of Mr.Hawkins--er--the gentleman who represented Mr.Bungstarter, whose conduct, ged, sir, is worthy of praise, blank me!"Apparently satisfied with the gravity and respectful attention of his listeners, Col.Starbottle smiled relentingly and sweetly, closed his eyes half-dreamily, as if to recall his wandering thoughts, and began,--"As the spot selected was nearest the tenement of Mr.Hawkins, it was agreed that the parties should meet there.They did so promptly at half-past six.The morning being chilly, Mr.Hawkins extended the hospitalities of his house with a bottle of Bourbon whiskey, of which all partook but myself.The reason for that exception is, I believe, well known.It is my invariable custom to take brandy--a wineglassful in a cup of strong coffee--immediately on rising.It stimulates the functions, sir, without producing any blank derangement of the nerves."The barkeeper, to whom, as an expert, the colonel had graciously imparted this information, nodded approvingly; and the colonel, amid a breathless silence, went on.
"We were about twenty minutes in reaching the spot.The ground was measured, the weapons were loaded, when Mr.Bungstarter confided to me the information that he was unwell, and in great pain.On consultation with Mr.Hawkins, it appeared that his principal, in a distant part of the field, was also suffering, and in great pain.
The symptoms were such as a medical man would pronounce 'choleraic.'
I say WOULD have pronounced; for, on examination, the surgeon was also found to be--er--in pain, and, I regret to say, expressing himself in language unbecoming the occasion.His impression was, that some powerful drug had been administered.On referring the question to Mr.Hawkins, he remembered that the bottle of whiskey partaken by them contained a medicine which he had been in the habit of taking, but which, having failed to act upon him, he had concluded to be generally ineffective, and had forgotten.His perfect willingness to hold himself personally responsible to each of the parties, his genuine concern at the disastrous effect of the mistake, mingled with his own alarm at the state of his system, which--er--failed to--er--respond to the peculiar qualities of the medicine, was most becoming to him as a man of honor and a gentleman.After an hour's delay, both principals being completely exhausted, and abandoned by the surgeon, who was unreasonably alarmed at his own condition, Mr.Hawkins and I agreed to remove our men to Markleville.There, after a further consultation with Mr.
Hawkins, an amicable adjustment of all difficulties, honorable to both parties, and governed by profound secrecy, was arranged.Ibelieve," added the colonel, looking around, and setting down his glass, "no gentleman has yet expressed himself other than satisfied with the result."Perhaps it was the colonel's manner; but, whatever was the opinion of Five Forks regarding the intellectual display of Mr.Hawkins in this affair, there was very little outspoken criticism at the moment.In a few weeks the whole thing was forgotten, except as part of the necessary record of Hawkins's blunders, which was already a pretty full one.Again, some later follies conspired to obliterate the past, until, a year later, a valuable lead was discovered in the "Blazing Star" tunnel, in the hill where he lived; and a large sum was offered him for a portion of his land on the hilltop.Accustomed as Five Forks had become to the exhibition of his folly, it was with astonishment that they learned that he resolutely and decidedly refused the offer.The reason that he gave was still more astounding,--he was about to build.
To build a house upon property available for mining-purposes was preposterous; to build at all, with a roof already covering him, was an act of extravagance; to build a house of the style he proposed was simply madness.
Yet here were facts.The plans were made, and the lumber for the new building was already on the ground, while the shaft of the "Blazing Star" was being sunk below.The site was, in reality, a very picturesque one, the building itself of a style and quality hitherto unknown in Five Forks.The citizens, at first sceptical, during their moments of recreation and idleness gathered doubtingly about the locality.Day by day, in that climate of rapid growths, the building, pleasantly known in the slang of Five Forks as the "Idiot Asylum," rose beside the green oaks and clustering firs of Hawkins Hill, as if it were part of the natural phenomena.At last it was completed.Then Mr.Hawkins proceeded to furnish it with an expensiveness and extravagance of outlay quite in keeping with his former idiocy.Carpets, sofas, mirrors, and finally a piano,--the only one known in the county, and brought at great expense from Sacramento,--kept curiosity at a fever-heat.More than that, there were articles and ornaments which a few married experts declared only fit for women.When the furnishing of the house was complete,--it had occupied two months of the speculative and curious attention of the camp,--Mr.Hawkins locked the front-door, put the key in his pocket, and quietly retired to his more humble roof, lower on the hillside.