"On November twentieth, I called for him according to promise. Ifound him on the point of starting for the club: he had forgotten all about our appointment. I reminded him of it, and he with difficulty recalled it, and consented, without any enthusiasm, to accompany me. By a few artful hints to her mother (including a casual mention of his income), I manoeuvred matters so that he had Edith almost entirely to himself for the whole evening. I was proud of what I had done, and as we were walking home together I waited to receive his gratitude.
"As it seemed slow in coming, I hinted my expectations.
"'Well,' I said, 'I think I managed that very cleverly for you.'
"'Managed what very cleverly?' said he.
"'Why, getting you and Miss Trevior left together for such a long time in the conservatory,' I answered, somewhat hurt; 'I fixed that for you.'
"'Oh, it was YOU, was it,' he replied; 'I've been cursing Providence.'
"I stopped dead in the middle of the pavement, and faced him.
'Don't you love her?' I said.
"'Love her!' he repeated, in the utmost astonishment; 'what on earth is there in her to love? She's nothing but a bad translation of a modern French comedy, with the interest omitted.'
"This 'tired' me--to use an Americanism. 'You came to me a month ago,' I said, 'raving over her, and talking about being the dirt under her feet and kissing her doorstep.'
"He turned very red. 'I wish, my dear Mac,' he said, 'you would pay me the compliment of not mistaking me for that detestable little cad with whom I have the misfortune to be connected. You would greatly oblige me if next time he attempts to inflict upon you his vulgar drivel you would kindly kick him downstairs.'
"'No doubt,' he added, with a sneer, as we walked on, 'Miss Trevior would be his ideal. She is exactly the type of woman, I should say, to charm that type of man. For myself, I do not appreciate the artistic and literary female.'
"'Besides,' he continued, in a deeper tone, 'you know my feelings.
I shall never care for any other woman but Elizabeth.'
"'And she?' I said "'She,' he sighed, 'is breaking her heart for Smith.'
"'Why don't you tell her you are Smith?' I asked.
"'I cannot,' he replied, 'not even to win her. Besides, she would not believe me.'
"We said good-night at the corner of Bond Street, and I did not see him again till one afternoon late in the following March, when I ran against him in Ludgate Circus. He was wearing his transition blue suit and bowler hat. I went up to him and took his arm.
"'Which are you?' I said.
"'Neither, for the moment,' he replied, 'thank God. Half an hour ago I was Smythe, half an hour hence I shall be Smith. For the present half-hour I am a man.'
"There was a pleasant, hearty ring in his voice, and a genial, kindly light in his eyes, and he held himself like a frank gentleman.
"'You are certainly an improvement upon both of them,' I said.
"He laughed a sunny laugh, with just the shadow of sadness dashed across it. 'Do you know my idea of Heaven?' he said.
"'No,' I replied, somewhat surprised at the question.
"'Ludgate Circus,' was the answer. 'The only really satisfying moments of my life,' he said, 'have been passed in the neighbourhood of Ludgate Circus. I leave Piccadilly an unhealthy, unwholesome prig. At Charing Cross I begin to feel my blood stir in my veins.
From Ludgate Circus to Cheapside I am a human thing with human feeling throbbing in my heart, and human thought throbbing in my brain--with fancies, sympathies, and hopes. At the Bank my mind becomes a blank. As I walk on, my senses grow coarse and blunted;and by the time I reach Whitechapel I am a poor little uncivilised cad. On the return journey it is the same thing reversed.'
"'Why not live in Ludgate Circus,' I said, 'and be always as you are now?'
"'Because,' he answered, 'man is a pendulum, and must travel his arc.'
"'My dear Mac,' said he, laying his hand upon my shoulder, 'there is only one good thing about me, and that is a moral. Man is as God made him: don't be so sure that you can take him to pieces and improve him. All my life I have sought to make myself an unnaturally superior person. Nature has retaliated by ****** me also an unnaturally inferior person. Nature abhors lopsidedness.
She turns out man as a whole, to be developed as a whole. I always wonder, whenever I come across a supernaturally pious, a supernaturally moral, a supernaturally cultured person, if they also have a reverse self.'
"I was shocked at his suggested argument, and walked by his side for a while without speaking. At last, feeling curious on the subject, I asked him how his various love affairs were progressing.
"'Oh, as usual,' he replied; 'in and out of a cul de sac. When I am Smythe I love Eliza, and Eliza loathes me. When I am Smith I love Edith, and the mere sight of me makes her shudder. It is as unfortunate for them as for me. I am not saying it boastfully.
Heaven knows it is an added draught of misery in my cup; but it is a fact that Eliza is literally pining away for me as Smith, and--as Smith I find it impossible to be even civil to her; while Edith, poor girl, has been foolish enough to set her heart on me as Smythe, and as Smythe she seems to me but the skin of a woman stuffed with the husks of learning, and rags torn from the corpse of wit.'
"I remained absorbed in my own thoughts for some time, and did not come out of them till we were crossing the Minories. Then, the idea suddenly occurring to me, I said:
"'Why don't you get a new girl altogether? There must be medium girls that both Smith and Smythe could like, and that would put up with both of you.'
"'No more girls for this child,' he answered 'they're more trouble than they're worth. Those yer want yer carn't get, and those yer can 'ave, yer don't want.'
"I started, and looked up at him. He was slouching along with his hands in his pockets, and a vacuous look in his face.
"A sudden repulsion seized me. 'I must go now,' I said, stopping.
'I'd no idea I had come so far.'
"He seemed as glad to be rid of me as I to be rid of him. 'Oh, must yer,' he said, holding out his hand. 'Well, so long.'
"We shook hands carelessly. He disappeared in the crowd, and that is the last I have ever seen of him.""Is that a true story?" asked Jephson.
"Well, I've altered the names and dates," said MacShaughnassy; "but the main facts you can rely upon."