[He glances at the COLONEL poring over papers,and,shrugging his shoulders,strolls away.]
MISS BEECH.[Sitting in the swing.]I see your horrid papers.
COLONEL.Be quiet,Peachey!
MISS BEECH.On a beautiful summer's day,too.
COLONEL.That'll do now.
MISS BEECH.[Unmoved.]For every ounce you take out of a gold mine you put two in.
COLONEL.Who told you that rubbish?
MISS BEECH.[With devilry.]You did!
COLONEL.This is n't an ordinary gold mine.
MISS BEECH.Oh!quite a special thing.
[COLONEL stares at her,but subsiding at hey impassivity,he pores again over the papers.]
[Rosy has approached with a tea cloth.]
ROSE.If you please,sir,the Missis told me to lay the tea.
COLONEL.Go away!Ten fives fifty.Ten 516ths,Peachey?
MISS BEECH.I hate your nasty sums!
[ROSE goes away.The COLONEL Writes.MRS.HOPE'S voice is heard,"Now then,bring those chairs,you two.Not that one,Ernest."ERNEST arid LETTY appear through the openings of the wall,each with a chair.]
COLONEL.[With dull exasperation.]What do you want?
LETTY.Tea,Father.
[She places her chair arid goes away.]
ERNEST.That Johnny-bird Lever is too cocksure for me,Colonel.
Those South American things are no good at all.I know all about them from young Scrotton.There's not one that's worth a red cent.
If you want a flutter--
COLONEL.[Explosively.]Flutter!I'm not a gambler,sir!
ERNEST.Well,Colonel [with a smile],I only don't want you to chuck your money away on a stiff 'un.If you want anything good you should go to Mexico.
COLONEL.[Jumping up and holding out the map.]Go to [He stops in time.]What d'you call that,eh?M-E-X--ERNEST.[Not to be embarrassed.]It all depend on what part.
COLONEL.You think you know everything--you think nothing's right unless it's your own idea!Be good enough to keep your advice to yourself.
ERNEST.[Moving with his chair,and stopping with a smile.]If you ask me,I should say it wasn't playing the game to put Molly into a thing like that.
COLONEL.What do you mean,sir?
ERNEST.Any Juggins can see that she's a bit gone on our friend.
COLONEL.[Freezingly.]Indeed!
ERNEST.He's not at all the sort of Johnny that appeals to me.
COLONEL.Really?
ERNEST.[Unmoved.]If I were you,Colonel,I should tip her the wink.He was hanging about her at Ascot all the time.It 's a bit thick!
[MRS.HOPE followed by ROSE appears from the house.]
COLONEL.[Stammering with passion.]Jackanapes!
MRS.HOPE.Don't stand there,Tom;clear those papers,and let Rose lay the table.Now,Ernest,go and get another chair.
[The COLONEL looks wildly round and sits beneath the hollow tree,with his head held in his hands.ROSE lays the cloth.]
MRS.BEECH.[Sitting beside the COLONEL.]Poor creature!
ERNEST.[Carrying his chair about with him.]Ask any Johnny in the City,he 'll tell you Mexico's a very tricky country--the people are awful rotters MRS.HOPE.Put that chair down,Ernest.
[ERNEST looks at the chair,puts it down,opens his mouth,and goes away.ROSE follows him.]
What's he been talking about?You oughtn't to get so excited,Tom;is your head bad,old man?Here,take these papers![She hands the papers to the COLONEL.]Peachey,go in and tell them tea 'll be ready in a minute,there 's a good soul?Oh!and on my dressing table you'll find a bottle of Eau de Cologne.
MRS.BEECH.Don't let him get in a temper again.That 's three times to-day!
[She goes towards the house.]
COLONEL.Never met such a fellow in my life,the most opinionated,narrow-minded--thinks he knows everything.Whatever Letty could see in him I can't think.Pragmatical beggar!
MRS.HOPE.Now Tom!What have you been up to,to get into a state like this?
COLONEL.[Avoiding her eyes.]I shall lose my temper with him one of these days.He's got that confounded habit of thinking nobody can be right but himself.
MRS.HOPE.That's enough!I want to talk to you seriously!****'s in love.I'm perfectly certain of it.
COLONEL.Love!Who's he in love with--Peachey?
MRS.HOPE.You can see it all over him.If I saw any signs of Joy's breaking out,I'd send them both away.I simply won't have it.
COLONEL.Why,she's a child!
MRS.HOPE.[Pursuing her own thoughts.]But she isn't--not yet.
I've been watching her very carefully.She's more in love with her Mother than any one,follows her about like a dog!She's been quite rude to Mr.Lever.
COLONEL.[Pursuing his own thoughts.]I don't believe a word of it.
[He rises and walks about]
MRS.HOPE.Don't believe a word of what?
[The COLONEL is Silent.]
[Pursuing his thoughts with her own.]
If I thought there was anything between Molly and Mr.Lever,d 'you suppose I'd have him in the house?
[The COLONEL stops,and gives a sort of grunt.]
He's a very nice fellow;and I want you to pump him well,Tom,and see what there is in this mine.
COLONEL.[Uneasily.]Pump!
MRS.HOPE.[Looking at him curiously.]Yes,you 've been up to something!Now what is it?
COLONEL.Pump my own guest!I never heard of such a thing!
MRS.HOPE.There you are on your high horse!I do wish you had a little common-sense,Tom!
COLONEL.I'd as soon you asked me to sneak about eavesdropping!
Pump!
MRS.HOPE.Well,what were you looking at these papers for?It does drive me so wild the way you throw away all the chances you have of ****** a little money.I've got you this opportunity,and you do nothing but rave up and down,and talk nonsense!
COLONEL.[In a high voice]Much you know about it!I 've taken a thousand shares in this mine [He stops dead.There is a silence.]
MRS.HOPE.You 've--WHAT?Without consulting me?Well,then,you 'll just go and take them out again!
COLONEL.You want me to--?
MRS.HOPE.The idea!As if you could trust your judgment in a thing like that!You 'll just go at once and say there was a mistake;then we 'll talk it over calmly.
COLONEL.[Drawing himself up.]Go back on what I 've said?Not if Ilose every penny!First you worry me to take the shares,and then you worry me not--I won't have it,Nell,I won't have it!