For it is an incredible and most bewildering fact that a man,through life,is on variable terms with himself;he is aware of tiffs and reconciliations;the intimacy is at times almost suspended,at times it is renewed again with joy.As we said before,his inner self or soul appears to him by successive revelations,and is frequently obscured.It is from a study of these alternations that we can alone hope to discover,even dimly,what seems right and what seems wrong to this veiled prophet of ourself.
All that is in the man in the larger sense,what we call impression as well as what we call intuition,so far as my argument looks,we must accept.It is not wrong to desire food,or exercise,or beautiful surroundings,or the love of ***,or interest which is the food of the mind.All these are craved;all these should be craved;to none of these in itself does the soul demur;where there comes an undeniable want,we recognise a demand of nature.Yet we know that these natural demands may be superseded;for the demands which are common to mankind make but a shadowy consideration in comparison to the demands of the individual soul.Food is almost the first prerequisite;and yet a high character will go without food to the ruin and death of the body rather than gain it in a manner which the spirit disavows.Pascal laid aside mathematics;Origen doctored his body with a knife;every day some one is thus mortifying his dearest interests and desires,and,in Christ's words,entering maim into the Kingdom of Heaven.This is to supersede the lesser and less harmonious affections by renunciation;and though by this ascetic path we may get to heaven,we cannot get thither a whole and perfect man.But there is another way,to supersede them by reconciliation,in which the soul and all the faculties and senses pursue a common route and share in one desire.Thus,man is tormented by a very imperious physical desire;it spoils his rest,it is not to be denied;the doctors will tell you,not I,how it is a physical need,like the want of food or slumber.In the satisfaction of this desire,as it first appears,the soul sparingly takes part;nay,it oft unsparingly regrets and disapproves the satisfaction.But let the man learn to love a woman as far as he is capable of love;and for this random affection of the body there is substituted a steady determination,a consent of all his powers and faculties,which supersedes,adopts,and commands the other.The desire survives,strengthened,perhaps,but taught obedience and changed in scope and character.Life is no longer a tale of betrayals and regrets;for the man now lives as a whole;his consciousness now moves on uninterrupted like a river;through all the extremes and ups and downs of passion,he remains approvingly conscious of himself.
Now to me,this seems a type of that rightness which the soul demands.It demands that we shall not live alternately with our opposing tendencies in continual see-saw of passion and disgust,but seek some path on which the tendencies shall no longer oppose,but serve each other to a common end.It demands that we shall not pursue broken ends,but great and comprehensive purposes,in which soul and body may unite like notes in a harmonious chord.That were indeed a way of peace and pleasure,that were indeed a heaven upon earth.It does not demand,however,or,to speak in measure,it does not demand of me,that I should starve my appetites for no purpose under heaven but as a purpose in itself;or,in a weak despair,pluck out the eye that I have not yet learned to guide and enjoy with wisdom.The soul demands unity of purpose,not the dismemberment of man;it seeks to roll up all his strength and sweetness,all his passion and wisdom,into one,and make of him a perfect man exulting in perfection.To conclude ascetically is to give up,and not to solve,the problem.The ascetic and the creeping hog,although they are at different poles,have equally failed in life.The one has sacrificed his crew;the other brings back his seamen in a cock-boat,and has lost the ship.I believe there are not many sea-captains who would plume themselves on either result as a success.
But if it is righteousness thus to fuse together our divisive impulses and march with one mind through life,there is plainly one thing more unrighteous than all others,and one declension which is irretrievable and draws on the rest.And this is to lose consciousness of oneself.In the best of times,it is but by flashes,when our whole nature is clear,strong and conscious,and events conspire to leave us free,that we enjoy communion with our soul.At the worst,we are so fallen and passive that we may say shortly we have none.
An arctic torpor seizes upon men.Although built of nerves,and set adrift in a stimulating world,they develop a tendency to go bodily to sleep;consciousness becomes engrossed among the reflex and mechanical parts of life;and soon loses both the will and power to look higher considerations in the face.This is ruin;this is the last failure in life;this is temporal damnation,damnation on the spot and without the form of judgment.'What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and LOSE HIMSELF?'