Francis Ardry-That won't do,sir-Observe my gestures-I think you improve-Better than politics-Delightful young Frenchwoman-A burning shame-Magnificent impudence-Paunch-Voltaire-Lump of sugar.
OCCASIONALLY I called on Francis Ardry.This young gentleman resided in handsome apartments in the neighbourhood of a fashionable square,kept a livery servant,and,upon the whole,lived in very good style.Going to see him one day,between one and two,I was informed by the servant that his master was engaged for the moment,but that,if I pleased to wait a few minutes,I should find him at liberty.Having told the man that I had no objection,he conducted me into a small apartment which served as antechamber to a drawing-room;the door of this last being half open,I could see Francis Ardry at the farther end,speechifying and gesticulating in a very impressive manner.The servant,in some confusion,was hastening to close the door;but,ere he could effect his purpose,Francis Ardry,who had caught a glimpse of me,exclaimed,'Come in-come in by all means';and then proceeded,as before,speechifying and gesticulating.Filled with some surprise,I obeyed his summons.
On entering the room I perceived another individual,to whom Francis Ardry appeared to be addressing himself;this other was a short spare man of about sixty;his hair was of badger gray,and his face was covered with wrinkles-without vouchsafing me a look,he kept his eye,which was black and lustrous,fixed full on Francis Ardry,as if paying the deepest attention to his discourse.
All of a sudden,however,he cried with a sharp,cracked voice,'That won't do,sir;that won't do-more vehemence-your argument is at present particularly weak;therefore,more vehemence-you must confuse them,stun them,stultify them,sir';and,at each of these injunctions,he struck the back of his right hand sharply against the palm of the left.'Good,sir-good!'he occasionally uttered,in the same sharp,cracked tone,as the voice of Francis Ardry became more and more vehement.'Infinitely good!'he exclaimed,as Francis Ardry raised his voice to the highest pitch;'and now,sir,abate;let the tempest of vehemence decline-gradually,sir;not too fast.Good,sir-very good!'as the voice of Francis Ardry declined gradually in vehemence.'And now a little pathos,sir-try them with a little pathos.That won't do,sir-that won't do,'-as Francis Ardry made an attempt to become pathetic,-'that will never pass for pathos-with tones and gesture of that deion you will never redress the wrongs of your country.Now,sir,observe my gestures,and pay attention to the tone of my voice,sir.'
Thereupon,****** use of nearly the same terms which Francis Ardry had employed,the individual in black uttered several sentences in tones and with gestures which were intended to express a considerable degree of pathos,though it is possible that some people would have thought both the one and the other highly ludicrous.After a pause,Francis Ardry recommenced imitating the tones and the gestures of his monitor in the most admirable manner.
Before he had proceeded far,however,he burst into a fit of laughter,in which I should,perhaps,have joined,provided it were ever my wont to laugh.'Ha,ha!'said the other,good-humouredly,'you are laughing at me.Well,well,I merely wished to give you a hint;but you saw very well what I meant;upon the whole I think you improve.But I must now go,having two other pupils to visit before four.'
Then taking from the table a kind of three-cornered hat,and a cane headed with amber,he shook Francis Ardry by the hand;and,after glancing at me for a moment,made me a half bow,attended with a strange grimace,and departed.
'Who is that gentleman?'said I to Francis Ardry,as soon as were alone.
'Oh,that is-'said Frank,smiling,'the gentleman who gives me lessons in elocution.'
'And what need have you of elocution?'
'Oh,I merely obey the commands of my guardians,'said Francis,'who insist that I should,with the assistance of-,qualify myself for Parliament;for which they do me the honour to suppose that I have some natural talent.I dare not disobey them;for,at the present moment,I have particular reasons for wishing to keep on good terms with them.'
'But,'said I,'you are a Roman Catholic;and I thought that persons of your religion were excluded from Parliament?'
'Why,upon that very thing the whole matter hinges;people of our religion are determined to be no longer excluded from Parliament,but to have a share in the government of the nation.Not that I care anything about the matter;I merely obey the will of my guardians;my thoughts are fixed on something better than politics.'
'I understand you,'said I;'dog-fighting-well,I can easily conceive that to some minds dog-fighting-'
'I was not thinking of dog-fighting,'said Francis Ardry,interrupting me.
'Not thinking of dog-fighting!'I ejaculated.
'No,'said Francis Ardry,'something higher and much more rational than dog-fighting at present occupies my thoughts.'
'Dear me,'said I,'I thought I had heard you say that there was nothing like it!'
'Like what?'said Francis Ardry.
'Dog-fighting,to be sure,'said I.
'Pooh,'said Francis Ardry;'who but the gross and unrefined care anything for dog-fighting?That which at present engages my waking and sleeping thoughts is love-divine love-there is nothing like THAT.Listen to me,I have a secret to confide to you.'