My curiosity respecting my male cousin did not long remain unsatisfied--he appeared the next day at dinner.His manners,though not so coarse as I had expected,were exceedingly disagreeable;there was an assurance and a forwardness for which I was not prepared;there was less of the vulgarity of manner,and almost more of that of the mind,than Ihad anticipated.I felt quite uncomfortable in his presence;there was just that confidence in his look and tone which would read encouragement even in mere toleration;and I felt more disgusted and annoyed at the coarse and extravagant compliments which he was pleased from time to time to pay me,than perhaps the extent of the atrocity might fully have warranted.It was,however,one consolation that he did not often appear,being much engrossed by pursuits about which Ineither knew nor cared anything;but when he did appear,his attentions,either with a view to his amusement or to some more serious advantage,were so obviously and perseveringly directed to me,that young and inexperienced as I was,even _I_could not be ignorant of his preference.I felt more provoked by this odious persecution than I can express,and discouraged him with so much vigour,that I employed even rudeness to convince him that his assiduities were unwelcome;but all in vain.
This had gone on for nearly a twelve-month,to my infinite annoyance,when one day as I was sitting at some needle-work with my companion Emily,as was my habit,in the parlour,the door opened,and my cousin Edward entered the room.
There was something,I thought,odd in his manner--a kind of struggle between shame and impudence--a kind of flurry and ambiguity which made him appear,if possible,more than ordinarily disagreeable.
'Your servant,ladies,'he said,seating himself at the same time;'sorry to spoil your tete-a-tete,but never mind,I'll only take Emily's place for a minute or two;and then we part for a while,fair cousin.
Emily,my father wants you in the corner turret.No shilly-shally;he's in a hurry.'
She hesitated.'Be off--tramp,march!' he exclaimed,in a tone which the poor girl dared not disobey.
She left the room,and Edward followed her to the door.He stood there for a minute or two,as if reflecting what he should say,perhaps satisfying himself that no one was within hearing in the hall.
At length he turned about,having closed the door,as if carelessly,with his foot;and advancing slowly,as if in deep thought,he took his seat at the side of the table opposite to mine.
There was a brief interval of silence,after which he said:
'I imagine that you have a shrewd suspicion of the object of my early visit;but I suppose I must go into particulars.Must I?'
'I have no conception,'I replied,'what your object may be.'
'Well,well,'said he,becoming more at his ease as he proceeded,'it may be told in a few words.You know that it is totally impossible--quite out of the question--that an offhand young fellow like me,and a good-looking girl like yourself,could meet continually,as you and I have done,without an attachment--a liking growing up on one side or other;in short,I think I have let you know as plain as if I spoke it,that I have been in love with you almost from the first time I saw you.'
He paused;but I was too much horrified to speak.He interpreted my silence favourably.
'I can tell you,'he continued,'I'm reckoned rather hard to please,and very hard to HIT.I can't say when I was taken with a girl before;so you see fortune reserved me--'
Here the odious wretch wound his arm round my waist.The action at once restored me to utterance,and with the most indignant vehemence I released myself from his hold,and at the same time said:
'I have not been insensible,sir,of your most disagreeable attentions--they have long been a source of much annoyance to me;and you must be aware that I have marked my disapprobation--my disgust--as unequivocally as I possibly could,without actual indelicacy.'
I paused,almost out of breath from the rapidity with which I had spoken;and without giving him time to renew the conversation,I hastily quitted the room,leaving him in a paroxy** of rage and mortification.As I ascended the stairs,I heard him open the parlour-door with violence,and take two or three rapid strides in the direction in which I was moving.Iwas now much frightened,and ran the whole way until I reached my room;and having locked the door,I listened breathlessly,but heard no sound.This relieved me for the present;but so much had Ibeen overcome by the agitation and annoyance attendant upon the scene which I had just gone through,that when my cousin Emily knocked at my door,I was weeping in strong hysterics.
You will readily conceive my distress,when you reflect upon my strong dislike to my cousin Edward,combined with my youth and extreme inexperience.Any proposal of such a nature must have agitated me;but that it should have come from the man whom of all others I most loathed and abhorred,and to whom I had,as clearly as manner could do it,expressed the state of my feelings,was almost too overwhelming to be borne.It was a calamity,too,in which I could not claim the sym-pathy of my cousin Emily,which had always been extended to me in my minor grievances.Still I hoped that it might not be unattended with good;for Ithought that one inevitable and most welcome consequence would result from this painful eclaircissment,in the discontinuance of my cousin's odious persecution.
When I arose next morning,it was with the fervent hope that I might never again behold the face,or even hear the name,of my cousin Edward;but such a consummation,though devoutly to be wished,was hardly likely to occur.The painful impressions of yesterday were too vivid to be at once erased;and I could not help feeling some dim foreboding of coming annoyance and evil.