DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club. HOLOFERNES Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose. MOTH An excellent device! so, if any of the audience hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO For the rest of the Worthies?-- HOLOFERNES I will play three myself. MOTH Thrice-worthy gentleman!
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Shall I tell you a thing? HOLOFERNES We attend.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO We will have, if this fadge not, an antique.
I beseech you, follow. HOLOFERNES Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while. DULL Nor understood none neither, sir. HOLOFERNES Allons! we will employ thee. DULL I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay. HOLOFERNES Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!
SCENE II
The same. Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA PRINCESS Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart, If fairings come thus plentifully in:
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king. ROSALINE Madame, came nothing else along with that? PRINCESS Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper, Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all, That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name. ROSALINE That was the way to make his godhead wax, For he hath been five thousand years a boy. KATHARINE Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too. ROSALINE You'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister. KATHARINE He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;And so she died: had she been light, like you, Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit, She might ha' been a grandam ere she died:
And so may you; for a light heart lives long. ROSALINE What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word? KATHARINE A light condition in a beauty dark. ROSALINE We need more light to find your meaning out. KATHARINE You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;Therefore I'll darkly end the argument. ROSALINE Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark. KATHARINE So do not you, for you are a light wench. ROSALINE Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light. KATHARINE You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me. ROSALINE Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.' PRINCESS Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it? ROSALINE I would you knew:
An if my face were but as fair as yours, My favour were as great; be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
The numbers true; and, were the numbering too, I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter! PRINCESS Any thing like? ROSALINE Much in the letters; nothing in the praise. PRINCESS Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion. KATHARINE Fair as a text B in a copy-book. ROSALINE 'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor, My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O's! KATHARINE A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows. PRINCESS But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain? KATHARINE Madam, this glove. PRINCESS Did he not send you twain? KATHARINE Yes, madam, and moreover Some thousand verses of a faithful lover, A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compiled, profound simplicity. MARIA This and these pearls to me sent Longaville:
The letter is too long by half a mile. PRINCESS I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart The chain were longer and the letter short? MARIA Ay, or I would these hands might never part. PRINCESS We are wise girls to mock our lovers so. ROSALINE They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Biron I'll torture ere I go:
O that I knew he were but in by the week!
How I would make him fawn and beg and seek And wait the season and observe the times And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes And shape his service wholly to my hests And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state That he should be my fool and I his fate. PRINCESS None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd, As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd, Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool. ROSALINE The blood of youth burns not with such excess As gravity's revolt to wantonness. MARIA Folly in fools bears not so strong a note As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote;Since all the power thereof it doth apply To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity. PRINCESS Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
Enter BOYET BOYET O, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her grace? PRINCESS Thy news Boyet? BOYET Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised, Armed in arguments; you'll be surprised:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence. PRINCESS Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say. BOYET Under the cool shade of a sycamore I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest, Toward that shade I might behold addrest The king and his companions: warily I stole into a neighbour thicket by, And overheard what you shall overhear, That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page, That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;'Thus must thou speak,' and 'thus thy body bear:'
And ever and anon they made a doubt Presence majestical would put him out, 'For,' quoth the king, 'an angel shalt thou see;Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
The boy replied, 'An angel is not evil;I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.'