Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW SIR TOBY BELCH Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo surgere,' thou know'st,-- SIR ANDREW Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up late is to be up late. SIR TOBY BELCH A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the four elements? SIR ANDREW Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists of eating and drinking. SIR TOBY BELCH Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!
Enter Clown SIR ANDREW Here comes the fool, i' faith. Clown How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture of 'we three'? SIR TOBY BELCH Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch. SIR ANDREW By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has.
In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman: hadst it? Clown I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses. SIR ANDREW Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now, a song. SIR TOBY BELCH Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song. SIR ANDREW There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a-- Clown Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life? SIR TOBY BELCH A love-song, a love-song. SIR ANDREW Ay, ay: I care not for good life. Clown [Sings]
O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming, That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting, Every wise man's son doth know. SIR ANDREW Excellent good, i' faith. SIR TOBY BELCH Good, good. Clown [Sings]
What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, Youth's a stuff will not endure. SIR ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight. SIR TOBY BELCH A contagious breath. SIR ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i' faith. SIR TOBY BELCH To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do that? SIR ANDREW An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch. Clown By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. SIR ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.' Clown 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight?
I shall be constrained in't to call thee knave, knight. SIR ANDREW 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.' Clown I shall never begin if I hold my peace. SIR ANDREW Good, i' faith. Come, begin.
Catch sung Enter MARIA MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here!
If my lady have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me. SIR TOBY BELCH My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
Tillyvally. Lady!
Sings 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!' Clown Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling. SIR ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural. SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings] 'O, the twelfth day of December,'-- MARIA For the love o' God, peace!
Enter MALVOLIO MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? or what are you?
Have ye no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you? SIR TOBY BELCH We did keep time, sir, in our catches.