"No more do I,"said Darwin,"and I didn't mean to be offensive,my dear Johnson.If I claim Simian ancestry for you,I claim it equally for myself.""Well,I'm no snob,"said Johnson,unmollified."If you want to brag about your ancestors,do it.Leave mine alone.Stick to your own genealogical orchard.""Well,I believe fully that we are all descended from the ape,"said Munchausen."There isn't any doubt in my mind that before the flood all men had tails.Noah had a tail.Shem,Ham,and Japheth had tails.It's perfectly reasonable to believe it.The Ark in a sense proved it.It would have been almost impossible for Noah and his sons to construct the Ark in the time they did with the assistance of only two hands apiece.Think,however,of how fast they could work with the assistance of that third arm.Noah could hammer a clapboard on to the Ark with two hands while grasping a saw and cutting a new board or planing it off with his tail.So with the others.We all know how much a third hand would help us at times.""But how do you account for its disappearance?"put in Doctor Livingstone."Is it likely they would dispense with such a useful adjunct?""No,it isn't;but there are various ways of accounting for its loss,"said Munchausen."They may have overworked it building the Ark;Shem,Ham,or Japheth may have had his caught in the door of the Ark and cut off in the hurry of the departure;plenty of things may have happened to eliminate it.Men lose their hair and their teeth;why might not a man lose a tail?Scientists say that coming generations far in the future will be toothless and bald.Why may it not be that through causes unknown to us we are similarly deprived of something our forefathers had?""The only reason for man's losing his hair is that he wears a hat all the time,"said Livingstone."The Derby hat is the enemy of hair.
It is hot,and dries up the scalp.You might as well try to raise watermelons in the Desert of Sahara as to try to raise hair under the modern hat.In fact,the modern hat is a furnace.""Well,it's a mighty good furnace,"observed Munchausen."You don't have to put coal on the modern hat.""Perhaps,"interposed Thackeray,"the ancients wore their hats on their tails.""Well,I have a totally different theory,"said Johnson.
"You always did have,"observed Munchausen.
"Very likely,"said Johnson."To be commonplace never was my ambition.""What is your theory?"queried Livingstone.
"Well--I don't know,"said Johnson,"if it be worth expressing.""It may be worth sending by freight,"interrupted Thackeray."Let us have it.""Well,I believe,"said Johnson--"I believe that Adam was a monkey.""He behaved like one,"ejaculated Thackeray.
"I believe that the forbidden tree was a tender one,and therefore the only one upon which Adam was forbidden to swing by his tail,"said Johnson.
"Clear enough--so far,"said Munchausen.
"But that the possession of tails by Adam and Eve entailed a love of swinging thereby,and that they could not resist the temptation to swing from every limb in Eden,and that therefore,while Adam was off swinging on other trees,Eve took a swing on the forbidden tree;that Adam,returning,caught her in the act,and immediately gave way himself and swung,"said Johnson.
"Then you eliminate the serpent?"queried Darwin.
"Not a bit of it,"Johnson answered."The serpent was the tail.
Look at most snakes to-day.What are they but unattached tails?""They do look it,"said Darwin,thoughtfully.