Only for one moment did she remember her sense of injury,--her wasted trouble,--and then, her whole woman's heart heaving with motherly love and sympathy, she opened her arms, and received Mary into them, as shedding tears of agitated joy, she murmured in her ear, "Bless thee, Mary, bless thee! Only make him and God bless thee for ever!" It took some of Jem's self-command to separate those whom he so much loved, and who were beginning, for his sake, to love one another so dearly. But the time for his meeting John Barton drew on; and it was a long way to his house. As they walked briskly thither, they hardly spoke; though many thoughts were in their minds. The sun had not long set, but the first faint shade of twilight was over all; and when they opened the door, Jem could hardly perceive the objects within by the waning light of day, and the flickering fire-blaze. But Mary saw all at a glance. Her eye, accustomed to what was usual in the aspect of the room, saw instantly what was unusual,--saw and understood it all. Her father was standing behind his habitual chair; holding by the back of it as if for support. And opposite to him there stood Mr Carson; the dark outline of his stern figure looming large against the light of the fire in that little room. Behind her father sat Job Legh, his head in his hands, and resting his elbow on the little family table,--listening evidently; but as evidently deeply affected by what he heard. There seemed to be some pause in the conversation. Mary and Jem stood at the half-open door, not daring to stir; hardly to breathe. "And have I heard you aright?" began Mr Carson, with his deep quivering voice. "Man, have I heard you aright? Was it you, then, that killed my boy? my only son?" (he said these last few words almost as if appealing for pity, and then he changed his tone to one more vehement and fierce).
"Don't dare to think that I shall be merciful, and spare you, because you have come forward to accuse yourself. I tell you I will not spare you the least pang the law can inflict,--you, who did not show pity on my boy, shall have none from me." "I did not ask for any," said John Barton, in a low voice. "Ask, or not ask, what care I? You shall be hanged--hanged--man!" said he, advancing his face, and repeating the word with slow grinding emphasis, as if to infuse some of the bitterness of his soul into it. John Barton gasped; but not with fear. It was only that he felt it terrible to have inspired such hatred, as was concentrated into every word, every gesture of Mr Carson's. "As for being hanged, sir, I know it's all right and proper. I dare say it's bad enough; but I tell you what, sir," speaking with an outburst, "if you'd hanged me the day after I'd done the deed, I would have gone down on my knees and blessed you. Death! Lord what is it to Life? To such a Life as I've been leading this fortnight past. Life at best is no great thing; but such a Life as I have dragged through since that night," he shuddered at the thought. "Why, sir, I've been on the point of killing myself this many a time to get away from my own thoughts. I didn't! and I'll tell you why. I didn't know but that I should be more haunted than ever with the recollection of my sin. Oh! God above only can tell the agony with which I've repented me of it, and part perhaps because I feared He would think I were impatient of the misery He sent as punishment--far, far worse misery than any banging, sir." He ceased from excess of emotion. Then he began again. "Sin' that day (it may be very wicked, sir, but it's the truth) I've kept thinking and thinking if I were but in that world where they say God is, He would, maybe, teach me right from wrong, even if it were with many stripes.
I've been sore puzzled here. I would go through hell-fire if I could but get free from sin at last, it's such an awful thing. As for hanging, that's just nought at all" His exhaustion compelled him to sit down. Mary rushed to him. It seemed as if till then he had been unaware of her presence. "Aye, aye, wench!" said he, feebly, "is it thee? Where's Jem Wilson?" Jem came forward. John Barton spoke again, with many a break and gasping pause. "Lad! thou hast borne a deal for me. It's the meanest thing I ever did to leave thee to bear the brunt. Thou, who wert as innocent of any knowledge of it as the babe unborn. I'll not bless thee for it. Blessing from such as me would not bring thee any good. Thou'lt love Mary, though she is my child." He ceased, and there was a pause for a few seconds. Then Mr Carson turned to go. When his hand was on the latch of the door, he hesitated for an instant. "You can have no doubt for what purpose I go. Straight to the police-office, to send men to take care of you, wretched man, and your accomplice. To-morrow morning your tale shall be repeated to those who can commit you to goal, and before long you shall have the opportunity of trying how desirable hanging is." "Oh, sir!" said Mary, springing forward, and catching hold of Mr Carson's arm, my father is dying. Look at him, sir. If you want Death for Death, you have it. Don't take him away from me these last hours. He must go alone through Death, but let me be with him as long as I can. Oh, sir! if you have any mercy in you, leave him here to die." John himself stood up, stiff and rigid, and replied, "Mary, wench! I owe him summut. I will go die, where, and as he wishes me. Thou hast said true, I am standing side by side with Death; and it matter little where I spend the bit of time left of Life. That time I must pass wrestling with my soul for a character to take into the other world.