RoderickEarly on the morrow Rowland received a visit from his new friend.
Roderick was in a state of extreme exhilaration, tempered, however, by a certain amount of righteous wrath.He had had a domestic struggle, but he had remained master of the situation.He had shaken the dust of Mr.Striker's office from his feet.
"I had it out last night with my mother," he said.
"I dreaded the scene, for she takes things terribly hard.
She does n't scold nor storm, and she does n't argue nor insist.
She sits with her eyes full of tears that never fall, and looks at me, when I displease her, as if I were a perfect monster of depravity.
And the trouble is that I was born to displease her.
She does n't trust me; she never has and she never will.
I don't know what I have done to set her against me, but ever since I can remember I have been looked at with tears.
The trouble is," he went on, giving a twist to his moustache, "I 've been too absurdly docile.I 've been sprawling all my days by the maternal fireside, and my dear mother has grown used to bullying me.I 've made myself cheap! If I 'm not in my bed by eleven o'clock, the girl is sent out to explore with a lantern.
When I think of it, I fairly despise my amiability.It 's rather a hard fate, to live like a saint and to pass for a sinner!
I should like for six months to lead Mrs.Hudson the life some fellows lead their mothers!""Allow me to believe," said Rowland, "that you would like nothing of the sort.If you have been a good boy, don't spoil it by pretending you don't like it.You have been very happy, I suspect, in spite of your virtues, and there are worse fates in the world than being loved too well.
I have not had the pleasure of seeing your mother, but I would lay you a wager that that is the trouble.She is passionately fond of you, and her hopes, like all intense hopes, keep trembling into fears."Rowland, as he spoke, had an instinctive vision of how such a beautiful young fellow must be loved by his female relatives.
Roderick frowned, and with an impatient gesture, "I do her justice,"he cried."May she never do me less!" Then after a moment's hesitation, "I 'll tell you the perfect truth," he went on.
"I have to fill a double place.I have to be my brother as well as myself.It 's a good deal to ask of a man, especially when he has so little talent as I for being what he is not.
When we were both young together I was the curled darling.
I had the silver mug and the biggest piece of pudding, and I stayed in-doors to be kissed by the ladies while he made mud-pies in the garden and was never missed, of course.
Really, he was worth fifty of me! When he was brought home from Vicksburg with a piece of shell in his skull, my poor mother began to think she had n't loved him enough.
I remember, as she hung round my neck sobbing, before his coffin, she told me that I must be to her everything that he would have been.
I swore in tears and in perfect good faith that I would, but naturally I have not kept my promise.I have been utterly different.
I have been idle, restless, egotistical, discontented.
I have done no harm, I believe, but I have done no good.
My brother, if he had lived, would have made fifty thousand dollars and put gas and water into the house.
My mother, brooding night and day on her bereavement, has come to fix her ideal in offices of that sort.
Judged by that standard I 'm nowhere!"
Rowland was at loss how to receive this account of his friend's domestic circumstances; it was plaintive, and yet the manner seemed to him over-trenchant."You must lose no time in ****** a masterpiece," he answered; "then with the proceeds you can give her gas from golden burners.""So I have told her; but she only half believes either in masterpiece or in proceeds.She can see no good in my ****** statues;they seem to her a snare of the enemy.She would fain see me all my life tethered to the law, like a browsing goat to a stake.
In that way I 'm in sight.'It 's a more regular occupation!'
that 's all I can get out of her.A more regular damnation!
Is it a fact that artists, in general, are such wicked men?
I never had the pleasure of knowing one, so I could n't confute her with an example.She had the advantage of me, because she formerly knew a portrait-painter at Richmond, who did her miniature in black lace mittens (you may see it on the parlor table), who used to drink raw brandy and beat his wife.
I promised her that, whatever I might do to my wife, I would never beat my mother, and that as for brandy, raw or diluted, I detested it.
She sat silently crying for an hour, during which I expended treasures of eloquence.It 's a good thing to have to reckon up one's intentions, and I assure you, as I pleaded my cause, I was most agreeably impressed with the elevated character of my own.
I kissed her solemnly at last, and told her that I had said everything and that she must make the best of it.This morning she has dried her eyes, but I warrant you it is n't a cheerful house.
I long to be out of it!"
"I 'm extremely sorry," said Rowland, "to have been the prime cause of so much suffering.I owe your mother some amends;will it be possible for me to see her?"
"If you 'll see her, it will smooth matters vastly;though to tell the truth she 'll need all her courage to face you, for she considers you an agent of the foul fiend.She does n't see why you should have come here and set me by the ears:
you are made to ruin ingenuous youths and desolate doting mothers.
I leave it to you, personally, to answer these charges.
You see, what she can't forgive--what she 'll not really ever forgive--is your taking me off to Rome.
Rome is an evil word, in my mother's vocabulary, to be said in a whisper, as you 'd say 'damnation.' Northampton is in the centre of the earth and Rome far away in outlying dusk, into which it can do no Christian any good to penetrate.
And there was I but yesterday a doomed habitue of that repository of every virtue, Mr.Striker's office!""And does Mr.Striker know of your decision?" asked Rowland.