IS CONVICTED OF A NEW DISEASE
Those who were assembled round the bed of Mr.Lavender remained for a moment staring at him with their mouths open, while Blink growled faintly from underneath.
"Put your hand here," said the doctor at last.
There is a considerable swelling, an appearance of inflammation, and the legs are a curious colour.You gave him three-quarters of a tumbler of rum--how much honey?"Thus addressed, Joe Petty, leaning his head a little to one side, answered:
"Not 'alf a pot, sir."
"Um! There are all the signs here of something quite new.He's not had a fall, has he?""Has he?" said Mrs.Petty severely to her husband.
"No," replied Joe.
"Singular!" said the doctor.Turn him back again; I want to feel his head.Swollen; it may account for his curious way of talking.Well, shove in quinine, and keep him quiet, with hot bottles to his feet.Ithink we have come on a new war disease.I'll send you the quinine.
Good morning.
"Wot oh!" said Joe to his wife, when they were left alone with the unconscious body of their master."Poor old Guv.! Watch and pray!""However could you have given him such a thing?""Wet outside, wet your inside," muttered Joe sulkily, "'as always been my motto.Sorry I give 'im the honey.Who'd ha' thought the product of an 'armless insect could 'a done 'im in like this?"Fiddle said Mrs.Petty."In my belief it's come on through reading those newspapers.If I had my way I'd bum the lot.Can I trust you to watch him while I go and get the bottles filled?"Joe drooped his lids over his greenish eyes, and, with a whisk of her head, his wife left the room.
"Gawd 'elp us!" thought Joe, gazing at his unconscious master, and fingering his pipe; "'ow funny women are! If I was to smoke in 'ere she'd have a fit.I'll just 'ave a whiff in the window, though!" And, leaning out, he drew the curtains to behind him and lighted his pipe.
The sound of Blink gnawing her bone beneath the bed alone broke the silence.
"I could do with a pint o' bitter," thought Joe; and, noticing the form of the weekly gardener down below, he said softly:
"'Ello, Bob!"
"'Ello?" replied the gardener."'Ow's yours?""Nicely."
"Goin' to 'ave some rain?"
"Ah!"
"What's the, matter with that?"
"Good for the crops."
"Missis well?"
"So, so."
"Wish mine was."
"Wot's the matter with her?"
"Busy!" replied Joe, sinking his voice.Never 'ave a woman permanent;that's my experience.
The gardener did not reply, but stood staring at the lilac-bush below Joe Petty's face.He was a thin man, rather like an old horse.
"Do you think we can win this war?" resumed Joe.
"Dunno," replied the gardener apathetically.
"We seem to be goin' back nicely all the time."Joe wagged his head."You've 'it it," he said.And, jerking his head back towards the room behind him, "Guv'nor's got it now.""What?"
"The new disease."
"What new disease?"
"Wy, the Run-abaht-an-tell-'em-'ow-to-do-it.""Ah!"
"'E's copped it fair.In bed."
"You don't say!"
"Not 'alf!" Joe sank his voice still lower."Wot'll you bet me I don't ketch it soon?"The gardener uttered a low gurgle.
"The cats 'ave been in that laylock," he replied, twisting off a broken branch."I'll knock off now for a bit o' lunch."But at that moment the sound of a voice speaking as it might be from a cavern, caused him and Joe Petty to stare at each other as if petrified.
"Wot is it?" whispered Joe at last.
The gardener jerked his head towards a window on the ground floor.
"Someone in pain," he said.
"Sounds like the Guv'nor's voice."
"Ah!" said the gardener.
"Alf a mo'!" And, drawing in his head, Joe peered through the curtains.
The bed was empty and the door open.
"Watch it! 'E's loose!" he called to the gardener, and descended the stairs at a run.
In fact, Mr.Lavender had come out of his coma at the words, " D'you think we can win this war?" And, at once conscious that he had not read the morning papers, had got out of bed.Sallying forth just as he was he had made his way downstairs, followed by Blink.Seeing the journals lying on the chest in the hall, he took all five to where he usually went at this time of the morning, and sat down to read.Once there, the pain he was in, added to the disorder occasioned in his brain by the five leaders, caused him to give forth a summary of their contents, while Blink pressed his knees with her chin whenever the rising of his voice betokened too great absorption, as was her wont when she wanted him to feed her.Joe Petty joined the gardener in considerable embarrassment.
"Shan't I not 'alf cop it from the Missis?" he murmured."The door's locked."The voice of Mr.Lavender maintained its steady flow, rising and falling with the tides of his pain and his feelings."What, then, is our duty?
Is it not plain and ******? We require every man in the Army, for that is the 'sine qua non' of victory.We must greatly reinforce the ranks of labour in our shipyards--ships, ships, ships, always more ships; for without them we shall infallibly be defeated.We cannot too often repeat that we must see the great drama that is being played before our eyes steadily, and we must see it whole....Not a man must be taken from the cultivation of our soil, for on that depends our very existence as a nation.Without abundant labour of the right sort on the land we cannot hope to cope with the menace of the pirate submarine.We must have the long vision, and not be scuppered by the fears of those who would deplete our most vital industry....In munition works," wailed Mr.
Lavender's voice, as he reached the fourth leader, "we still require the maximum of effort, and a considerable reinforcement of manpower will in that direction be necessary to enable us to establish the 'overwhelming superiority in the air and in guns which alone can ensure the defeat of our enemies"....He reached the fifth in what was almost a scream.