A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. “Hey， boss， I，ve heard your speech many times， I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.”
“Sounds great，” the scientist said.
When they got to the auditorium， the scientist put on the chauffeur，s hat and settled in the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.
“Yes，” said one processor.Then he launched into a highly technical question.
The chauffeur was panicstricken for a moment but quickly recovered. “ That，s an easy one， ” he replied， “so easy， I，m going to let my chauffeur answer it. ” Notes：
(1) on one，s way (to)某人在……的路上
(2) chauffeur n.受雇驾驶私人汽车之司机
(3) give you the night off让你休息一个晚上
(4) auditorium n.礼堂
(5) settle v.使安身；使安定
(6) launch into开始
(7) panicstricken adj.惊慌失措的
让我的司机来回答
一个着名科学家起程去再作一个讲座。他的司机出了个主意：“老板，您的讲座我已听了这么多次了。我打赌我能作这个讲座，让您休息一个晚上。”
“那太好了。”科学家说。
到了礼堂，科学家戴上了司机的帽子，坐在了后排。而司机走上了讲台，作讲演。讲演结束后，他问听众是否有什么问题。
一个教授说有，并提出了一个高深的学术问题。
司机一时被问懵了，但很快就镇定下来。“这很容易，”他说，“太容易了，我要让我的司机来回答。”
I，m the Only Driver
A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.
“Stop， stop， ” a passenger looked out of the window， and shouted at the young man， “you can，t catch it ！ ”
“I must，” the young fellow said， out of breath， “because I，m only driver of the bus. ”Notes：
out of breath上气不接下气
唯有我是司机
在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面，一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。
“停下吧，”一位乘客把头伸出窗子，对小个子喊道，“你追不上的！”
“我必须追上，”小个子气喘吁吁地说，“我是司机！”
I，ve Just Bitten My Tongue
“Are we poisonous？” the young snake asked his mother.
“Yes， dear，” she replied -“Why do you ask？”
“Cause I，ve just bitten my tongue！ ” Notes：
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I，ve just bitten my tongue因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。句中Cause是Because的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
I，ll Keep it on My Floor
My 16yearold son， Jeff， is a boy any parent would be proud of-until you see the floor of his room， covered with layers of clothes， magazines and sports equipment.
Recently I accompanied Jeff to the credit union where he opened up his first bank account. While the credit officer was processing the paper work， I told Jeff he needed a safe， accessible place to store his passbook. “I know， Mom，” he replied. “I，ll keep it on my floor. ”
Notes ：
(1) be proud of 为……感到自豪They were Very proud of their success.他们对他们的成功感到非常骄傲。
(2) layer n.层
(3) equipment n.设备
(4) accompany v.陪伴
(5) credit union 信用联社
(6) account n.（银行）账户
(7) process v.办理
(8) accessible adj.可接近的，可用的
放在地板上
我的儿子杰弗，十六岁。他是一个令父母感到自豪的孩子，只是你别去看他房间的地板，那上面总是堆满了一层层的衣服、杂志及运动器材。
不久前，我带杰弗到信用联社去开他自己的账户，这是他第一次开银行账户。当信用社职员在办理手续的时候，我便告诉杰弗说他需要一个安全可靠的地方来保存密码本。“我知道，妈妈，”他回答说，“我会在地板上找到地方的。”
In the Air
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.
“Let，s go to the fair， Matt，” his wife said.“We haven，t been anywhere for a long time.”
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said， “All right， but I，m not going to spend much money. We，ll look at things， but we won，t buy anything. ”
They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt，s wife wanted to buy， but he would not let her spend any money.
Then， in a nearby field， they saw a small airplane.
“Fun flights！” the notice said，10 for 10 minutes.
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However， he didn，t want to have to pay for his wife， as well.
“I，ve only got 10， ” he told the pilot. “Can my wife come with me for free？” The pilot wasn，t selling many tickets， so he said， “I，ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn，t scream or shout， she can have a free flight.”
Matt agreed， and got into the small airplane with his wife.
The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed， the pilot said， “O. K. ，your wife didn，t make a sound. She can have her ride free.”
“Thank you，” Matt said. “It wasn，t easy for her， you know， especially when she fell out.” Notes：
(1) stingy adj.吝啬
(2) hate（doing）讨厌（做）
(3) free adj.免费的
(4) make a bargain with sb 达成协议；做成交易
(5) upsidedown 倒转地；倒置地
在空中
麦特和妻子住在乡下。麦特很吝啬，讨厌花钱。一天附近的镇子逢集。
“我们去赶集，麦特，”妻子说。“我们很久没出去了。”
麦特想了一会儿。他知道在集市上一定得花钱。最后他说：“好吧，但我不打算花太多钱。我们只看不买。”
他们去集市，看看所有可买的东西。有很多东西麦特的妻子想买，但麦特不让她买。
然后在附近的露天场地，他们看到一架小飞机。
“有趣的飞行。”海报上写着，“10分钟10美元。”
麦特从来没有乘过飞机，所以他想乘一次小飞机。然而他不想付他妻子的票钱。
“我只带了10美元，”他对飞机驾驶员说，“我妻子能免费和我一起乘飞机吗？”驾驶员没卖出多少票，所以他说：“我和你做个交易。如果你妻子不尖叫，也不叫出声来，她就能免费飞行。”
麦特同意了，他和妻子一起登上了飞机。
飞机起飞了，驾驶员让飞机做出各种各样的动作。有一会儿飞机倒着飞行。
飞机着陆时，驾驶员说，“好吧，你妻子没发出任何声响。她就不用买飞机票了。”
“谢谢，”麦特说，“你知道，这对她不容易，特别当她刚才掉下去的时候。”
It Seemed like Hours
As a band instructor at an elementary school， I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time. I had to laugh， however， when one parent wrote on her child，s sheet， “Practiced 17 minutes， but it seemed like hours.”Notes：
(1) band n.乐队
(2) instructor n.指挥
(3) turn in上交；归还
(4) signed by their parents：由他们的父母签名的。这是一个分词短语作定语修饰sheets。
(5) so I can be sure they are putting in enough time：这样我才能确定他们投入了足够的时间。这是so that 引导的目的状语从句，其中that省略。
犹如几个时辰
作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几个时辰。”
It，s a Puzzlement
I asked a colleague of mine how he liked the shirt his daughter had given him as a gift. “The color and the design are nice，” he said. “But the sleeves are three inches too long. ”
I suggested that perhaps it was made for a much taller man. “I don，t think so，” he said. “If I stand on my toes， it still fits the same.” Notes：
(1) puzzlement n.困惑；苦恩 (2) colleague n.同事
难解的问题
我问我的同事是否喜欢他女儿送他的衬衣。“颜色和款式嘛是无可挑剔，”他说，“就是袖子长了三英寸。”
我对他说或许衬衣是为个头更高的人做的。“我想不是吧，”他说，“我踮起脚尖，它还是一样长。”
It，s Kind of Fitting
As a freshman at the University of Dayton in Ohio， I was eager to make a good impression on my new roommate. When I arrived at our dorm room， I found her putting on perfume. “That，s a great scent，” I said， making conversation.
“Thanksit was from my boyfriend. Here， try some，” she said， holding the bottle out for me.
Unfortunately she let go before I had a firm grip， and the glass shattered on the tile floor. Embarrassed， I tried to apologize， but she cut me off -“Actually， it，s kind of fitting，” she explained， surveying the damage. That，s exactly how the relationship went. Notes：
(1) make a good impression on：给……留下好印象
(2) perfume n.香水
(3) unfortunately adv.不幸地