书城外语英语PARTY——幽默加油站
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第9章

(4) let go 放手;松手,常用于下面的结构中:let sb.sth. go;let go of sb.sth.

(5) shatter v.(突然而剧烈地)破成碎片

(6) tile n.瓷砖

(7) embarrass v.使困窘

(8) cut sb.off 打断

(9) fitting adj.适当的

(10) survey v.检查;查看

理应如此

“作为俄亥俄州代顿大学的一名新生,我急于给我的新宿舍同伴留个好印象。我到了寝室,看到她正在往身上洒香水。“香味真浓哇。”我说,想和她搭起话来。 ”

“谢了——是男朋友送的,来,洒些试试。”她说着把瓶子递给我。

不幸的是,我还没抓牢,她就松手了,玻璃瓶在瓷砖地板上摔碎了。我感到很窘,我刚想道歉,她就打断了我。“事实上,应该如此。”

她解释道,查看着破碎的瓶子,“我和他的关系正是这样的。”

Job Technique

Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straightfaced, he leaned toward the door and asked, “Going to the nudist Colony, sir?”

“Oh, no,” replied the wouldbe passenger, retreating quickly.

“Works every time,” the driver said with a wink. Notes:

(1) Oahu n.瓦胡(岛)

(2) straggler n.落伍者;掉队者

(3) show up显现

(4) approach v.走近;接近

(5) be about to(do)(表计划)即将做

(6) board v.上(船、火车、飞机、公共汽车等)

(7) straightfaced adj.板起面孔的

(8) nudist Colony天体营(裸体主义者实行其信条的场所)

(9) retreating quickly迅速后退。这是一个分词短语作状语,表示伴随状况。

工作技巧

在瓦湖岛上度假时,我们坐在旅游车里等候掉队的人。一位男子,明显不是和我们一起的,朝旅游车走来并要上车。司机会怎么处理这种情况呢?我们都拭目以待。司机拉长了脸,向车门靠过去,问道:“先生,是去天体营吗?”

“哦,不,”刚想乘车的男子回答说,迅速转身而逃。

“每次都管用,”司机眨巴了一下眼睛说。

Long Life

A man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle.

Many people wanted to buy it and the man,s young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure.

Then, when he had a big crowd, the man held up a very small bottle.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, ” he shouted. “here is the medicine you have been waiting for. The cure for old age. Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever.”

“And, ladies and gentlemen,” the man continued, “I,m not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I,m not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I,m not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I,m going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever.”

Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this.

One person shouted,“if it will make you live forever, why don,t you drink it?”

Then another person cried ,“Yes, you look as if you,re at least sixty years old.”

“Thank you, sir, thank you,” the man replied, “I,m so glad you said that. My real age is three hundred and twenty nine. ”

The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man. One of them spoke to the man,s assistant as she passed by. “Is that true,” he asked, “that he,s three hundred and twentynine? ”

Don,t ask me, the assistant said,“I,ve only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years.”Notes:

(1) fair n.集市

(2) charge v.收钱;要价

(3) look as if看上去 长生不老

一人在集市卖药。起先他卖一美元一瓶的治感冒的药。

很多人想买药,那人的年轻助手迅速穿行于人群中,一边收钱,一边递药。

然后当围观的人多起来时,那人举起一个小瓶子。

“听着,女士们,先生们,”那人喊道,“这就是你们一直想要的药。”

消除衰老的药。只吃一瓶,就会长生不老。”

“女士们,先生们,”那人接着说道,“对这种神奇的药,我不打算卖一瓶100美元。我不打算卖一瓶50美元,我也不打算卖一瓶25美元。我只打算卖一瓶10美元。想想吧,朋友们,只花10美元,你们就能长生不老。

人群中大多数人不相信他的话。”

一人喊道:“如果这药能使人长生不老,你为什么不吃?”

接着另一人叫道:“是哇,你看上去至少60岁。”

“谢谢,先生,谢谢,”那人回答,“我很高兴你这么说。我的实际年龄是329岁。”

听到他的话,人群中发出一阵笑声,但仍有几个人愿意相信他的话。其中一人当那个助手经过时问她,“他已329岁了,这是真的吗?”他问。

“别问我,”助手说,“我只为他工作了150年。”

Looking for a Companion

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities. ”

Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.”Notes:

(1) bachelor n.单身汉

(2) perfect adj.完美的

(3) mate n.配偶

(4) cute adj.聪颖的

找个伴侣

一个单身汉要电脑为他找个完美的伴侣:“我要找一个娇小可爱的、喜爱水上运动又喜欢群体活动的伴侣。 ”

回答是:“娶一只企鹅吧。”

Lose One Pound

I complimented one of my coworkers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn,t resist bragging that when I was 17, I weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. I added, “That,s not bad for a man of my age.”

Overhearing this, a woman remarked, “You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?” Notes:

(1) compliment (sb. on sth.) v.恭维;称赞

(2) brag v.自夸;夸耀

(3) tip the scale at称量

减掉一磅

我称赞我的一个同事减肥10磅。可是,我禁不住夸耀说我17岁时,体重225磅,而目前体重是224磅。我还说:“这对我这样年龄的男子来说,是不错的。”

一个女子听到了这些话,她说道:“你是说你花了这么长时间才减了1磅?”

Maternal Instinct

As a new father, I quickly learned the true meaning of maternal instinct. Late one night, I was summoned to the hospital to attend to one of my patients. I quietly got up in the dark but tripped over a toy and crashed to the floor. As I lay there rubbing my sore leg, my wife slept on.

Then there was a faint cough from the nursery . Debra leaped out of bed, running past me down the hall to our baby,s room. When she returned, she looked at me and said, “What on earth are you doing on the floor?” Notes:

(1) maternal adj.母性的

(2) instinct n.本能

(3) summon v.召唤;召集

(4) attend(to)照顾;用心

(5) trip over绊在某物上而跌跤;失足

(6) crash v.猛跌或猛撞并带破碎声

(7) nursery n.保育室

(8) leap v.跳;跃

母性的本能

刚刚作了父亲,我就很快体会到母性本能的涵义了。一个深夜,医院召我去照应一位病人。我悄悄地在黑暗中起了床,但一只脚绊在一个玩具上,扑通一声摔在地板上。我倒在那里,揉着疼痛的腿,妻子毫无反应地继续睡着。

突然,保育宣传来轻微的咳嗽声。戴博拉跃下床来,从我身边跑过,下了客厅到我们婴儿的房间。她返回来时,看了看我说:“你究竟在地板上干什么?”

Mother,s Feet

To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a homeimprovement project. As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet. My mother had been talking for about a half hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door. Notes:

(1) prevent (from)v.避免;阻止

(2) pester v.使苦恼;困扰

(3) massage v.按摩;揉捏

(4) lounge v.懒洋洋地坐着或站着

(5) contractor n.承包商

(6) improvement n.改进;改善

(7) renovation n.修复;修理

(8) slip off滑脱;掉

(9) mindlessly adv.不注意地

(10) soothe v.抚慰;使镇静

(11) embarrassment n.局促;不安

母亲的脚

为避免我们的狗,莱希,纠缠来访的客人,我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方,即餐桌下面,摩昵它。一天,一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修葺时,我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子,开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。谈话进行了半个小时的时候,我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来,因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。

My Roommate

My roommate was interested in a young man in her Englishliterature class, but she was too shy to let him know. One day she overheard him say he was on his way to the library for a certain book. She rushed to the library, found the book and stuck in it a letter from her mother.

“Why would he want to read a letter from your mother?” I asked.