I finally got sucked① in by all the ads and bought a computer. The day it arrived and I unpacked② it， my wife said， “What did you buy that for？”
“Because it will solve all our household economic problems. All I have to do is feed the computer how much money we have coming in and how much money we have going out， and it will tell us if we’re spending too much.”
“I can tell you that，” she said.
“Ah， yes， but this computer can tell it to us 100 times faster. Let me show you. We have to buy a furnace③ for 3，500， or we can have the old furnace repaired for 2，000. How much will we save by having it repaired？”
“Nothing，” my wife said.
“You’re wrong. The computer says we’ll save 1500.”
“Did it tell you even if we have the old furnace repaired， the furnace man said he couldn’t guarantee④ it will work？ Then it will cost 5，500.”
“Well， then， we’ll have to feed that in. A computer is only as good as the information it receives.”
“Tell it the furnace man said if the old one fails us after it’s repaired， the house will fill up with carbon monoxide⑤.”
“All right.”
“What did it say？”
“We’re all going to die.”
“I could have told you that，” my wife said.
“But not as fast as the computer，” I pointed out. “There are always people putting down computers because they don’t understand them. Now I’ll type in how much I make， and how much I will save under our president’s tax cuts. In the first year we will be ahead by 11，780.”
“The computer’s wrong. We will be behind by 2，560.”
“How can you say that？”
“The city has raised our taxes today by 25% to make up for the tax cuts our president gave the people.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that before I fed the computer？”
“Why didn’t our president tell us before he gave out a tax cut？”
“I shall now prove to you that this electronic marvel⑥ is worth every dollar I paid for it. Let’s say we are spending roughly 30 a week for groceries⑦.”
“You couldn’t get a beef roast⑧ for 30. We’re spending more than 150 a week for groceries. Put it in the computer. Now ask it where we can cut down on our food budget⑨？ What does it say？”
“It keeps repeating the words，‘FOOD STAMPS’.”
“I could have told you that.”
“I will not be deterred. This home computer is programmed⑩ to tell you how you can make enormous cuts in your electricity bills. I will type in the question，‘How can I save on electricity？’”
“What does it say？”
“Turn off all the lights in the house when you aren’t using them.”
“Do you know how we could have really saved money this year？ By not buying that stupid computer.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’ll call the man who sold it to me and tell him we really don’t need it.”
I returned a few moments later.
“What did he say？” my wife asked.
“He said he wouldn’t take it back.”
“I could have told you that.”
① suckv. 被对方假动作骗过
② unpackv. 解包，拆开，打开，未包装
③ furnacen. 炉子，熔炉
④ guaranteevv.保证，担保
⑤ monoxiden. 一氧化物
⑥ marveln. 奇迹
⑦ groceriesn. 食品；杂货
⑧ roastv. 烤，烘，烘烤，暴露于某种热力下以得温暖
⑨ budgetn. 预算
⑩ programv. 规划，拟……计划，安排……入节目
家用计算机
最后我还是被各种广告给“蒙”了，买了一台计算机，刚进门我就开包取出。这时，妻子问：“你买那玩意儿干吗？”
“因为它能解决家里所有的经济问题。我要做的只是输入咱们收入有多少、开销多少。一旦咱们花钱太猛，计算机就会提醒咱们。”
“这个？我也能做到！”
“嗯，不错，可这台计算机的速度要快100倍。我给你演示一下。假如咱们得买一个炉子，可以花3，500美元买一个新的，也可以花2，000美元修好那个旧的。要是请人修好旧的，能省多少呢？”
“一分钱也省不了。”
“错。计算机说咱们可以节省1，500美元。”
“就算修了旧的，修理工说他不能打包票那破玩意儿一定能正常工作——计算机告诉咱们这个没有？(这样一来，)咱们得花5，500美元。”
“哦？咱得把这条信息输进去。计算机完全依赖于它所收到的信息。”
“告诉计算机：修理工说了，如果旧的修后运转不正常，一氧化碳将淹没整个房子。”
“成。”
“它说什么了？”
“咱们都得完蛋。”
“这个，我原本也能告诉你。”
“但不如计算机的速度快。总有人把计算机闲置不用，因为他们不懂。现在我得输入我能挣多少、根据总统的减税政策我又能省多少。第一年下来咱们能多赚11，780美元。”
“错。倒赔2，560美元。”
“这话怎么讲？”
“为了弥补里根减税带来的亏损，市里已经把税率提高了25%。”
“我输进去的时候，你为什么不告诉我？”
“总统减税之前，为什么不早点告诉咱们呢？”
“好了，现在我来向你证明：这台电子新玩意儿所花的每一分钱——都值。假如我们购买食品的开销是每周30美元……”
“30美元根本买不到烤牛肉。咱们现在的食品开销，每周都超过150美元。把这告诉计算机。现在问问它：咱们从哪里入手削减食品预算？它说什么了？”
“它呀，就一句：‘食品救济券……’”
“就这？原本我也能告诉你！”
“真受不了你。这台家用计算机编程的目的，就是要告诉咱们怎样削减巨额电费。我来键入问题，‘怎么样省电？’”
“说什么了？”
“不用时，把房里所有的灯都关上。”
“你知道咱们今年本来可以怎样省钱吗？就是不买那愚蠢的计算机。”
“也许你是对的。我去打电话给推销员，告诉他咱们真的用不着。”
片刻后我回来了。
“他怎么说？”妻子问。
“他说他不能收回去。”
“我原本就知道。”