SIR OLIVER.Sir--I hear your Unkle Oliver is expected here--and tho' He has been so penurious to you, I'll try what He'll do for me--SURFACE.Sir! 'tis impossible for you to stay now--so I must beg----come any other time and I promise you you shall be assisted.
SIR OLIVER.No--Sir Oliver and I must be acquainted--SURFACE.Zounds Sir then [I] insist on your quitting the--Room directly--
SIR OLIVER.Nay Sir----
SURFACE.Sir--I insist on't--here William show this Gentleman out.
Since you compel me Sir--not one moment--this is such insolence.
[Going to push him out.]
Enter CHARLES
CHARLES.Heyday! what's the matter now?--what the Devil have you got hold of my little Broker here! Zounds--Brother, don't hurt little Premium.What's the matter--my little Fellow?
SURFACE.So! He has been with you, too, has He--CHARLES.To be sure He has! Why, 'tis as honest a little----But sure Joseph you have not been borrowing money too have you?
SURFACE.Borrowing--no!--But, Brother--you know sure we expect Sir Oliver every----CHARLES.O Gad, that's true--Noll mustn't find the little Broker here to be sure--SURFACE.Yet Mr.Stanley insists----
CHARLES.Stanley--why his name's Premium--SURFACE.No no Stanley.
CHARLES.No, no--Premium.
SURFACE.Well no matter which--but----
CHARLES.Aye aye Stanley or Premium, 'tis the same thing as you say--for I suppose He goes by half a hundred Names, besides A.B's at the Coffee-House.[Knock.]
SURFACE.'Sdeath--here's Sir Oliver at the Door----Now I beg--Mr.Stanley----
CHARLES.Aye aye and I beg Mr.Premium----SIR OLIVER.Gentlemen----
SURFACE.Sir, by Heaven you shall go--
CHARLES.Aye out with him certainly----
SIR OLIVER.This violence----
SURFACE.'Tis your own Fault.
CHARLES.Out with him to be sure.
[Both forcing SIR OLIVER out.]
Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE, LADY TEAZLE, MARIA, and ROWLEYSIR PETER.My old Friend, Sir Oliver!--hey! what in the name of wonder!--Here are dutiful Nephews!--assault their Unkle at his first Visit!
LADY TEAZLE.Indeed Sir Oliver 'twas well we came in to rescue you.
ROWLEY.Truly it was--for I perceive Sir Oliver the character of old Stanley was no Protection to you.
SIR OLIVER.Nor of Premium either--the necessities of the former could not extort a shilling from that benevolent Gentleman; and with the other I stood a chance of faring worse than my Ancestors, and being knocked down without being bid for.
SURFACE.Charles!
CHARLES.Joseph!
SURFACE.'Tis compleat!
CHARLES.Very!
SIR OLIVER.Sir Peter--my Friend and Rowley too--look on that elder Nephew of mine--You know what He has already received from my Bounty and you know also how gladly I would have look'd on half my Fortune as held in trust for him--judge then my Disappointment in discovering him to be destitute of Truth--Charity--and Gratitude--SIR PETER.Sir Oliver--I should be more surprized at this Declaration, if I had not myself found him to be selfish--treacherous and Hypocritical.
LADY TEAZLE.And if the Gentleman pleads not guilty to these pray let him call ME to his Character.
SIR PETER.Then I believe we need add no more--if He knows himself He will consider it as the most perfect Punishment that He is known to the world--CHARLES.If they talk this way to Honesty--what will they say to MEby and bye!
SIR OLIVER.As for that Prodigal--his Brother there----CHARLES.Aye now comes my Turn--the damn'd Family Pictures will ruin me--SURFACE.Sir Oliver--Unkle--will you honour me with a hearing--CHARLES.I wish Joseph now would make one of his long speeches and I might recollect myself a little--SIR OLIVER.And I suppose you would undertake to vindicate yourself entirely--SURFACE.I trust I could--
SIR OLIVER.Nay--if you desert your Roguery in its Distress and try to be justified--you have even less principle than I thought you had.--[To CHARLES SURFACE] Well, Sir--and YOU could JUSTIFYyourself too I suppose--
CHARLES.Not that I know of, Sir Oliver.
SIR OLIVER.What[!] little Premium has been let too much into the secret I presume.
CHARLES.True--Sir--but they were Family Secrets, and should not be mentioned again you know.
ROWLEY.Come Sir Oliver I know you cannot speak of Charles's Follies with anger.
SIR OLIVER.Odd's heart no more I can--nor with gravity either--Sir Peter do you know the Rogue bargain'd with me for all his Ancestors--sold me judges and Generals by the Foot, and Maiden Aunts as cheap as broken China!
CHARLES.To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with the Family Canvas that's the truth on't:--my Ancestors may certainly rise in judgment against me there's no denying it--but believe me sincere when I tell you, and upon my soul I would not say so if I was not--that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my Follies, it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing you, my liberal benefactor.
SIR OLIVER.Charles--I believe you--give me your hand again:
the ill-looking little fellow over the Couch has made your Peace.
CHARLES.Then Sir--my Gratitude to the original is still encreased.
LADY TEAZLE.[Advancing.] Yet I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.
SIR OLIVER.O I have heard of his Attachment there--and, with the young Lady's Pardon if I construe right that Blush----SIR PETER.Well--Child--speak your sentiments--you know--we are going to be reconciled to Charles--MARIA.Sir--I have little to say--but that I shall rejoice to hear that He is happy--For me--whatever claim I had to his Affection--I willing resign to one who has a better title.
CHARLES.How Maria!
SIR PETER.Heyday--what's the mystery now? while he appeared an incorrigible Rake, you would give your hand to no one else and now that He's likely to reform I'll warrant You won't have him!
MARIA.His own Heart--and Lady Sneerwell know the cause.
[CHARLES.] Lady Sneerwell!