SIR OLIVER.I never laugh'd more in my life, I assure you: ha! ha!
SIR PETER.O vastly diverting! ha! ha!
ROWLEY.To be sure Joseph with his Sentiments! ha! ha!
SIR PETER.Yes his sentiments! ha! ha! a hypocritical Villain!
SIR OLIVER.Aye and that Rogue Charles--to pull Sir Peter out of the closet: ha! ha!
SIR PETER.Ha! ha! 'twas devilish entertaining to be sure--SIR OLIVER.Ha! ha! Egad, Sir Peter I should like to have seen your Face when the screen was thrown down--ha! ha!
SIR PETER.Yes, my face when the Screen was thrown down: ha! ha! ha!
O I must never show my head again!
SIR OLIVER.But come--come it isn't fair to laugh at you neither my old Friend--tho' upon my soul I can't help it--SIR PETER.O pray don't restrain your mirth on my account: it does not hurt me at all--I laugh at the whole affair myself--Yes--yes--I think being a standing Jest for all one's acquaintance a very happy situation--O yes--and then of a morning to read the Paragraphs about Mr.S----, Lady T----, and Sir P----, will be so entertaining!--I shall certainly leave town tomorrow and never look mankind in the Face again!
ROWLEY.Without affectation Sir Peter, you may despise the ridicule of Fools--but I see Lady Teazle going towards the next Room--I am sure you must desire a Reconciliation as earnestly as she does.
SIR OLIVER.Perhaps MY being here prevents her coming to you--well I'll leave honest Rowley to mediate between you; but he must bring you all presently to Mr.Surface's--where I am now returning--if not to reclaim a Libertine, at least to expose Hypocrisy.
SIR PETER.Ah! I'll be present at your discovering yourself there with all my heart; though 'tis a vile unlucky Place for discoveries.
SIR OLIVER.However it is very convenient to the carrying on of my Plot that you all live so near one another!
[Exit SIR OLIVER.]
ROWLEY.We'll follow--
SIR PETER.She is not coming here you see, Rowley--ROWLEY.No but she has left the Door of that Room open you perceive.--see she is in Tears--!
SIR PETER.She seems indeed to wish I should go to her.--how dejected she appears--ROWLEY.And will you refrain from comforting her--SIR PETER.Certainly a little mortification appears very becoming in a wife--don't you think it will do her good to let her Pine a little.
ROWLEY.O this is ungenerous in you--
SIR PETER.Well I know not what to think--you remember Rowley the Letter I found of her's--evidently intended for Charles?
ROWLEY.A mere forgery, Sir Peter--laid in your way on Purpose--this is one of the Points which I intend Snake shall give you conviction on--SIR PETER.I wish I were once satisfied of that--She looks this way----what a remarkably elegant Turn of the Head she has!
Rowley I'll go to her--
ROWLEY.Certainly--
SIR PETER.Tho' when it is known that we are reconciled, People will laugh at me ten times more!
ROWLEY.Let--them laugh--and retort their malice only by showing them you are happy in spite of it.
SIR PETER.Efaith so I will--and, if I'm not mistaken we may yet be the happiest couple in the country--ROWLEY.Nay Sir Peter--He who once lays aside suspicion----SIR PETER.Hold Master Rowley--if you have any Regard for me--never let me hear you utter anything like a Sentiment.I have had enough of THEM to serve me the rest of my Life.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE THE LAST.--The Library SURFACE and LADY SNEERWELLLADY SNEERWELL.Impossible! will not Sir Peter immediately be reconciled to CHARLES? and of consequence no longer oppose his union with MARIA? the thought is Distraction to me!
SURFACE.Can Passion--furnish a Remedy?
LADY SNEERWELL.No--nor cunning either.O I was a Fool, an Ideot--to league with such a Blunderer!
SURFACE.Surely Lady Sneerwell I am the greatest Sufferer--yet you see I bear the accident with Calmness.
LADY SNEERWELL.Because the Disappointment hasn't reached your HEART--your interest only attached you to Maria--had you felt for her--what I have for that ungrateful Libertine--neither your Temper nor Hypocrisy could prevent your showing the sharpness of your Vexation.
SURFACE.But why should your Reproaches fall on me for this Disappointment?
LADY SNEERWELL.Are not you the cause of it? what had you to bate in your Pursuit of Maria to pervert Lady Teazle by the way.--had you not a sufficient field for your Roguery in blinding Sir Peter and supplanting your Brother--I hate such an avarice of crimes--'tis an unfair monopoly and never prospers.
SURFACE.Well I admit I have been to blame--I confess I deviated from the direct Road of wrong but I don't think we're so totally defeated neither.
LADY SNEERWELL.No!
SURFACE.You tell me you have made a trial of Snake since we met--and that you still believe him faithful to us--LADY SNEERWELL.I do believe so.
SURFACE.And that he has undertaken should it be necessary--to swear and prove that Charles is at this Time contracted by vows and Honour to your Ladyship--which some of his former letters to you will serve to support--LADY SNEERWELL.This, indeed, might have assisted--SURFACE.Come--come it is not too late yet--but hark! this is probably my Unkle Sir Oliver--retire to that Room--we'll consult further when He's gone.--LADY SNEERWELL.Well but if HE should find you out to--SURFACE.O I have no fear of that--Sir Peter will hold his tongue for his own credit sake--and you may depend on't I shall soon Discover Sir Oliver's weak side!--LADY SNEERWELL.I have no diffidence of your abilities--only be constant to one roguery at a time--[Exit.]
SURFACE.I will--I will--So 'tis confounded hard after such bad Fortune, to be baited by one's confederate in evil--well at all events my character is so much better than Charles's, that Icertainly--hey--what!--this is not Sir Oliver--but old Stanley again!--Plague on't that He should return to teaze me just now--I shall have Sir Oliver come and find him here--and----Enter SIR OLIVER
Gad's life, Mr.Stanley--why have you come back to plague me at this time? you must not stay now upon my word!