She came on to within a few paces of him without a word or a tear, or a shadow of change passing over the dreadful rigidity of her face.She looked at him with a strange look; she pointed to the newspaper crumpled in his hand with a strange gesture; she spoke to him in a strange voice.
"You know it!" she said.
His eyes met hers--she shrank from them--turned--and laid her arms and her head heavily against the wall.
"Oh, Alfred," she said, "I was so lonely in the world, and I was so fond of you!"The woman's delicacy, the woman's trembling tenderness welled up from her heart, and touched her voice with a tone of its old sweetness as she murmured those ****** words.
She said no more.Her confession of her fault, her appeal to their past love for pardon, were both poured forth in that one sentence.She left it to his own heart to tell him the rest.How anxiously her vigilant love had followed his every word and treasured up his every opinion in the days when they first met;how weakly and falsely, and yet with how true an affection for him, she had shrunk from the disclosure which she knew but too well would have separ ated them even at the church door; how desperately she had fought against the coming discovery which threatened to tear her from the bosom she clung to, and to cast her out into the world with the shadow of her own shame to darken her life to the end--all this she left him to feel; for the moment which might part them forever was the moment when she knew best how truly, how passionately he had loved her.
His lips trembled as he stood looking at her in silence, and the slow, burning tears dropped heavily, one by one, down his cheeks.
The natural human remembrance of the golden days of their companionship, of the nights and nights when that dear head--turned away from him now in unutterable misery and shame--had nestled itself so fondly and so happily on his breast, fought hard to silence his conscience, to root out his dreadful sense of guilt, to tear the words of Judgment from their ruthless hold on his mind, to claim him in the sweet names of Pity and of Love.If she had turned and looked at him at that moment, their next words would have been spoken in each other's arms.But the oppression of her despair under his silence was too heavy for her, and she never moved.
He forced himself to look away from her; he struggled hard to break the silence between them.
"God forgive you, Emily!" he said.
As her name passed his lips, his voice failed him, and the torture at his heart burst its way out in sobs.He hurried to the door to spare her the terrible reproof of the grief that had now mastered him.When he passed her she turned toward him with a faint cry.
He caught her as she sank forward, and saved her from dropping on the floor.For the last time his arms closed round her.For the last time his lips touched hers--cold and insensible to him now.
He laid her on the sofa and went out.
One of the female servants was crossing the hall.The girl started as she met him, and turned pale at the sight of his face.
He could not speak to her, but he pointed to the study door.He saw her go into the room, and then left the house.
He never entered it more, and he and his wife never met again.
Later on that last day, a sister of Mr.Carling's--a married woman living in the town--came to the rectory.She brought an open note with her, addressed to the unhappy mistress of the house.It contained these few lines, blotted and stained with tears:
May God grant us both the time for repentance! If I had loved you less, I might have trusted myself to see you again.Forgive me, and pity me, and remember me in your prayers, as I shall forgive, and pity, and remember you.
He had tried to write more, but the pen had dropped from his hand.His sister's entreaties had not moved him.After giving her the note to deliver, he had solemnly charged her to be gentle in communicating the tidings that she bore, and had departed alone for London.He heard all remonstrances with patience.He did not deny that the deception of which his wife had been guilty was the most pardonable of all concealments of the truth, because it sprang from her love for him; but he had the same hopeless answer for every one who tried to plead with him--the verse from the Gospel of Saint Luke.
His purpose in traveling to London was to make the necessary arrangements for his wife's future existence, and then to get employment which would separate him from his home and from all its associations.A missionary expedition to one of the Pacific Islands accepted him as a volunteer.Broken in body and spirit, his last look of England from the deck of the ship was his last look at land.A fortnight afterward, his brethren read the burial-service over him on a calm, cloudless evening at sea.
Before he was committed to the deep, his little pocket Bible, which had been a present from his wife, was, in accordance with his dying wishes, placed open on his breast, so that the inscription, "To my dear Husband," might rest over his heart.